“Nothing happens until you decide.” Oprah Winfrey
A confused mind does nothing.
Someone said this to me in passing recently.
They said it as if it had been said a million times before.
And it was being used in a different context than in the area of disconnected marriages and struggling relationships.
But it completely resonated with me as it relates to the decision to stay in your marriage or to lovingly release it.
When we’re confused, we do nothing.
When we know we want to try to reconnect with our spouse but have no idea how to ...continue reading...
“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful.” Paulo Coelho
The thought of staying feels hopeless, but the thought of leaving and breaking up my family is terrifying.
I’ve heard this in various ways probably hundreds of times over the years of doing this relationship work. And every time I hear a woman speak those words to me, I can feel the amount of pain she’s enduring. It’s a place of genuine confusion. It’s the place of feeling stuck and lost. Confusion and indecision feel horrible.
In business, confusion ...continue reading...
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.” Dale Carnegie
Inspiration can come from many different places. This one came from my own experience in New York this week. I’ve been at a conference learning how to broaden my platform using public relations.
To get national media placements, I’m going to have to make a lot of pitches to national media outlets.
To be featured on TV or in magazines, I’m going to have to say some things that maybe have never been said before.
I’m going to need to be willing to hear “no,” far ...continue reading...
“It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.” John Baptiste Molière
There’s a very clear reason why people hire personal trainers.
It’s not because they need someone to show them how to hop on a treadmill or how to lift a weight. They could do that on their own.
People invest in a personal trainer primarily for the accountability a trainer provides, as well as how a trainer pushes them beyond where they might go if they were working on their own.
I had a woman reach ...continue reading...
“A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are for.” J. A. Shedd
We go to school for decades to learn about things like math, science, reading and history. We spend years learning about the square root of 120 and the symbol of iron in chemistry.
But when we’re at the end of our lives and we think back about what mattered most, inevitably what mattered was our relationships. And our most intimate relationships are the greatest indicator of how we’ll feel about life at the end of our days. Our closest relationships are ...continue reading...
“No woman can love a cheater and not pay the price for it.” Rose Wynters
It didn’t happen just once. It wasn’t a lapse in judgement or a one-night stand.
It wasn’t just one woman. There were many throughout their 24 years together.
It wasn’t just one lie. It was lies, upon lies, upon lies.
He would have an affair. She would find out about it and be heartbroken.
He would break it off, apologize and promise it would never happen again. She would forgive him, hope for the best and look the other way.
“When you are in alignment with the desires of your heart, things have a way of working out.” Iyanla Vanzant
All of our marriage vows sounded something like this:
“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
Then the priest or pastor will say aloud, “What God has joined, men must not divide.”
I’ve never had a client whose marriage ended that didn’t struggle with this commitment ...continue reading...
“Every loving thought is true. Everything else is an appeal for healing and help, regardless of the form it takes.” A Course in Miracles
I have a client in Europe that I’ve been working with for a little over a month, who I’ll refer to as Heather. She contacted me because she’s been in a long-term relationship for several years now that she knows isn’t right for her. She can physically feel the discord of it in her body; she can’t sleep when she’s with him, she can feel the wall go up around her heart and all ...continue reading...
“Don’t be afraid of the answers, be afraid of not asking the questions.” Jennifer Hudson
Katherine has been married for 27 years. Her kids are grown, out of the house and having children of their own. She’s successful in her career and has a wide circle of friends. She has to beg her husband to be intimate with her. She shared with me that she’s never felt desired or beautiful and she’s lonelier than ever before.
And now the question that’s screaming in Katherine’s ear every day is whether she should stay in her marriage and try to make it ...continue reading...
“The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.” Oprah Winfrey
As a Life Coach, I can tell when people are evolving and changing along their journey:They get a new hairstyle, they begin dressing differently, they redecorate their home. They begin talking about a career change and taking up new hobbies. They seek more meaningful connections and begin pruning the relationships that drain their energy. They begin to dream about what could be, rather than what has been. They slowly begin dropping the mask and stepping closer and closer to ...continue reading...