The Difference between Loving Someone & Using Them…

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The Difference between Loving Someone & Using Them…

Posts Tagged 'should I stay or go'

The Difference between Loving Someone & Using Them…

“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” RD Laing, MD

Yesterday I had a VIP Day with a brave and openhearted woman struggling to understand whether or not she should release her 39-year marriage and to make peace with her decision.

Having been a therapist, she picked up many of the coaching tools I shared with her and concepts quickly. But she also taught me something yesterday as well: There is an important distinction between loving someone and using someone:

When we use our partners to avoid pain,

...continue reading...
Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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The Mature Marriage: Five Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” Haruki Murakami

Even though divorce rates for younger couples is on the decline, the rate of divorces in mature marriages is increasing. As a matter of fact, the divorce rate has nearly doubled for couples age 50 and over throughout the past ...continue reading...

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Support Groups Seem Like a Perfectly Logical Idea…

“Never look back unless you’re planning to go that way.” Henry David Thoreau

 

When people are struggling in their marriages, they often feel confused about what to do and scared of making the wrong decision, so understandably they begin seeking answers.

They might be up late at night – sometimes after too many glasses of wine – scrolling through Facebook and Googling things like:

My marriage is in trouble My marriage is over How do I fix my marriage? Will my spouse ever change? Should I stay or should I go?

In all that searching, they don’t have ...continue reading...

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Some Practical Relationship Advice

“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”  Epicurus

The average American spends 2160 days in school, and based upon the average life span, that’s 12% of all the days of our lives spent in school. During that time, we learn about things such as math, science, reading, writing, languages, etc. These are all important topics to help us function in the world and become productive adults.

But at the end of our lives, when we’re lying there close to taking our last breath and reflecting ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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It’s Easier to Walk Away from Marriage in Anger and Hurt

“The soul always speaks, and sometimes it speaks the loudest when we block its flow, when we live only half of a life, when we stay on the surface…If we don’t go looking for what lies beneath the surface of our lives, the soul comes looking for us.” Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open

My client, Deborah admitted to me that she and her husband have avoided intimate talks and difficult discussions for a long time. She said they talked about their jobs, the kids, the neighbors, the home – but they never spoke about the things that really mattered. They ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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