How Do You Know When Your Marriage is Over?

If You Keep Doing the Same Thing, You Should Expect the Same Result.

How Do You Know When Your Marriage is Over?

Posts Tagged 'my marriage is falling apart'

How Do You Know When Your Marriage is Over?

“Knowing when to walk away, is wisdom. Being able to, is courage. Walking away with grace, and your head held high is dignity.” Ritu Ghatourey

 

By the time people find their way to my work, they’ve typically been struggling in their marriages for years, sometimes decades. But how do you know when your marriage is over?

There are probably gazillions of articles written that will give you the three most common attributes in a relationship that are tell-tale signs that your marriage is over (or should be over, in the writer’s opinion).

I don’t think that’s helpful at ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Conventional Wisdom Doesn’t Work in Our Relationships

“Conventional wisdom is no wisdom at all. Conventional wisdom is taking someone else’s word for the way things are.” Richard Marcinko

 

When our marriage or most intimate relationship seems like it’s falling apart, we fall back on conventional wisdom to help guide us.

Just spend more time together…

Ride it out; it will pass…

You have to begin touching, hugging, kissing each other again…

Go to couples counseling…

Schedule a date night…

Plan a romantic getaway together…

Give him a dose of his own medicine…

Ignore it and maybe the problem will disappear…

But if any of that ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Stop Engaging in “The Crazy.”

“When you see crazy coming, cross the street.” Iyanla Vanzant

 

Some weeks there are consistent themes across my clients, similarities in the struggles or challenges they’re facing, making it very clear what I need to write about. This was one of those weeks.

Here’s just one example:

Lynn is in the process of unwinding an abusive and controlling marriage that has taken its toll on her self-esteem, her value and worth and also on the relationship she has with her family and her children. She has expressed to her husband that she does not want him sleeping in ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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90% of You Will Not Attempt to Solve the Problem and More than 50% of You will Divorce.

“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I am telling you it is going to be worth it.” Art Williams

 

Over the years I have spoken with thousands of women who are struggling in their marriages and here’s what I’ve found: 90% of these women will not ever make a genuine attempt to fix the problems in their marriages. Sure, they might pick up a book or vent to their girlfriends about their husbands, but that’s not making a conscious, concerted effort to changing how you show up inside that relationship to see if the marriage ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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You Have 3 Options When Your Marriage is Falling Apart

“Holding an unhealthy relationship close is not love.” Gennon Doyle Melton

You say you love him, but he hurts you, belittles you, controls you…

He brings out the worst in you, causing you to react in unhealthy ways where you don’t even recognize who you’ve become, but “damnit I can’t support myself on my own…”

You say you can’t breathe, but you cannot let him go either.

This is the conundrum you may be facing right now in some way shape or form: You know the relationship as it is isn’t working. You know you’re not happy. You think ...continue reading...

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10 Quotes for Understanding Why Some Marriages Struggle

 

...continue reading...

Posted in: Inspiration for Myself & My Relationships | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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The Disconnected Marriage

“The key problem I encounter working with wounded, depressed, and unhappy people is a lack of connection…starting from a disconnection from themselves and then with others.” David W. Earle

 

After 23 years together, Pamela finally reached out for help.

In her application to me she shared, He is not there for me emotionally. We don’t hug, we don’t kiss, we don’t touch.  I feel empty and unwanted. I’m not sure how much longer I can take it. I don’t know how to leave and I don’t know how to stay.

But Pamela’s words could be any of the hundreds ...continue reading...

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Love Him, but Not in Love with Him

“When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.” George R. R. Martin

Rachel has love for her husband, but she’s no longer in love with him.

Rachel and her husband have been married for ten years and their relationship feels more like distant roommates than connected lovers who deeply care for one another. She shares with me that he’s a great guy, but that he is emotionally unavailable.

They’ve tried counseling. He refused to go back after the counselor pointed out that he is emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive.

They tried date nights. It felt like work.

...continue reading...
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How Life Coaches are Like Personal Trainers.

“It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.” John Baptiste Molière

 

There’s a very clear reason why people hire personal trainers.

It’s not because they need someone to show them how to hop on a treadmill or how to lift a weight. They could do that on their own.

People invest in a personal trainer primarily for the accountability a trainer provides, as well as how a trainer pushes them beyond where they might go if they were working on their own.

I had a woman reach ...continue reading...

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Three Reasons Why Asking Your Spouse to Go to Marriage Counseling with You Rarely Works

“Nothing dies harder than a bad idea.” Julia Cameron

 

Stacey has been struggling in her marriage for years, specifically the last two years. She feels lonely and empty. She feels unseen and unappreciated.

So, she did what most of us might do; she asked her husband if he’d be willing to go to marriage counseling with her.

Here’s why that rarely works:

When you ask your spouse to go to marriage counseling with you, what he hears you saying is, “There’s something wrong with you and we need someone to fix it.” No one wants to be fixed. ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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