“The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them that we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do.” Nan Fairbrother
“I can sit next to him, but I cannot lean on him or put my head on his shoulder. I can hold his hand, but he will drop within about five minutes. We haven’t had sex for a year and he hasn’t kissed me in months. Every time I try to initiate some physical closeness, he has a reason why now is not ...continue reading...
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” Khalil Gibran
My clients, Jenna and Steve, have been together for 12 years, a second marriage for them both. She’s very clear that she wants more connection, more intimacy and even more fun in their relationship. She wants to feel like a priority, she wants more communication and she wants more time together. And she’s told him again and again in a variety of ways what she wants.
So why hasn’t he done it?
It’s not like it’s difficult.
It’s not like she hasn’t been clear.
He should want that too, ...continue reading...
“Intimacy transcends the physical. It is a feeling of closeness that isn’t about proximity, but of belonging.” Steve Maraboli
Men and women clearly have different strengths.
Women are naturally better at communicating than men. There have been a wide number of studies showing that women possess a larger vocabulary, process information and speak more quickly, literally using more words every day than men do.
And likewise, there are a number of things that men are naturally better at than women, such as problem solving, being direct and to-the-point, and even excelling at some mental tasks.
Science has told ...continue reading...
“Not responding is a response.” Jonathan Carroll
I was on a call yesterday with a lovely woman who shared with me the frustrations she’s feeling in her marriage:
He doesn’t get it.
I should only have to ask once.
I shouldn’t have to yell to get him to do what I need him to do.
If he would just do as I asked, we could avoid the arguments.
He needs to understand.
She wants more closeness and more intimacy in her marriage, but anyone can see from her feelings expressed here that she’s not exactly creating a ...continue reading...
“Those who have never known the deep intimacy and the intense companionship of mutual love missed the best thing that life has to give.” Bertrand Russell
Nina and I began our coaching session together with her sharing how she’s not feeling as optimistic as she had been:
We’ve fallen back into our old patterns again.
We’re still missing passion, connection and intimacy. It’s just not there.
I know I am capable of having that kind of a relationship (…because I’ve felt it before with someone else). Maybe my husband and I just can’t be that way together.
“Intimacy is a process of discovery with another.” Joel B. Bennett
I’ve been studying the topic of intimacy lately and I learned something really powerful that I wanted to share with you…
If you want to have a more intimate relationship, the answer may not be as much coming together as it is creating more separation.
It’s completely counter-intuitive to everything most of us believe about intimacy. I have always thought of intimacy as a connectedness between two people, knowing one another at a deep level and feeling totally accepted in their presence. And I still ...continue reading...
“The softness of a person’s nature doesn’t mean weakness, because nothing is softer than water but its force can break the strongest rocks.” Syed Mustafa Faraz Ahmad
I know a lot of strong women.
I was raised by one.
I am one myself.
Some of the greatest changes in the world were a result of women’s efforts.
I could argue that the world would literally shut down if it weren’t for strong women showing up for themselves and others every day.
There’s a reason that women are the ones who can create and give birth to new life; ...continue reading...
“Exhausted, I started to check out of our marriage, convinced that what we had was fine. After all, our lives looked pretty good from the outside.” Sharon Pope, Keeping the Boardroom Out of the Bedroom
Today is a big deal for me today and I wanted to share this with you. I have had my very first piece published in The New York Times’ Modern Love column:
Even though this was years ...continue reading...
“Throughout our lives we long to love ourselves more deeply and to feel connected with others. Instead, we often contract, fear intimacy, and suffer a bewildering sense of separation. We crave love, and yet we are lonely.” Sharon Salzberg
A beautiful soul named Lori reached out to me this week and the email started like this, “I just opened the door for a conversation with my husband…through text of all things because he and I have never been much to communicate….I asked him if he was happy. I asked him if he thought our marriage was salvageable…”
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
I am a student; a continual learner. For me, the journey of growth and evolution has no finish line.
I seek out those that are the best in their respective areas of expertise and hire them to teach me.
I pay attention to the spiritual teachers that inspire me and challenge me to think about my journey and my work in a new way, such as: Elizabeth Gilbert, Rob Bell, Elizabeth Lesser, Marianne Williamson, Byron Katie & Esther ...continue reading...