Love Him, but Not in Love with Him

If You Keep Doing the Same Thing, You Should Expect the Same Result.

Love Him, but Not in Love with Him

Posts Tagged 'am I in the wrong marriage'

Love Him, but Not in Love with Him

“When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.” George R. R. Martin

Rachel has love for her husband, but she’s no longer in love with him.

Rachel and her husband have been married for ten years and their relationship feels more like distant roommates than connected lovers who deeply care for one another. She shares with me that he’s a great guy, but that he is emotionally unavailable.

They’ve tried counseling. He refused to go back after the counselor pointed out that he is emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive.

They tried date nights. It felt like work.

...continue reading...
Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Keeping the Boardroom Out of the Bedroom: Keeping the Intimacy of Marriage

“Exhausted, I started to check out of our marriage, convinced that what we had was fine. After all, our lives looked pretty good from the outside.” Sharon Pope, Keeping the Boardroom Out of the Bedroom

 

Today is a big deal for me today and I wanted to share this with you. I have had my very first piece published in The New York Times’ Modern Love column:

Keeping the Boardroom Out of the Bedroom A hard-charging executive has trouble balancing the power of work with the intimacy of marriage.

Even though this was years ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Why Isn’t This Enough?

“There wasn’t a simple answer to the most difficult question in my life. And there was no way to answer that question without either denying my needs or hurting my husband. There was no answer that friends and family could understand, much less approve of.” Sharon Pope, Soulful Truth Telling: Am I in the Wrong Marriage?

 

I was in a marriage with a nice, handsome, good man. He was responsible, took care of the finances, worked out four days a week religiously, ironed his clothes for the week every Sunday evening and packed his lunch for work each ...continue reading...

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I Love Him, but I’m Not in Love with Him

“When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.” George R. R. Martin

 

Rachel has love for her husband, but she’s no longer in love with him.

Rachel and her husband have been married for ten years and their relationship feels more like distant roommates than connected lovers who deeply care for one another. She shares with me that he’s a great guy, but that he is emotionally unavailable.

They’ve tried counseling. He refused to go back after the counselor pointed out that he is emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive.

They tried date nights. It felt like ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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  1. I am struggling with this same issue. Please help. I am in therapy and things just aren’t easy. Our daughter leaves for college in one month and I am going to be so lonely.

    by Sonjia on July 20th, 2016 at 8:48 pm
  2. Sonjia – I know this isn’t easy. Working through our problems, learning new ways of being in relationship with one another, forgiving ourselves and our spouses and attempting to re-connect to create a different kind of relationship together is NOT easy….you’re right. But staying in a loveless marriage is not easy. Crying yourself to sleep at night is not easy. Feeling like this is all there is, but secretly wanting to feel so much more is not easy. I’m glad you’re going to therapy……you’re doing something and I applaud that. Sometimes therapy can move a little more slowly than you would like and if that becomes the case for you, please keep me in mind. Be well. Sending love and light. Sharon Pope

    by Sharon Pope on July 3rd, 2017 at 4:37 pm
  3. I have been feeling those exact words towards my husband for a while now. We have been together for 20yrs and married for 16yrs. We have 4 children and we both are 40yrs old. He does not know I have such feelings towards him. I pray about it constantly.

    by Jennifer on August 24th, 2016 at 4:26 pm
  4. Jennifer – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this really important issue in your marriage. Watch this teaching call I gave and pay attention to the part about taking steps 10 ft at a time. It is only through action that you’ll be able to gain some clarity. Just waiting (and praying TO God, as opposed to listening for His whispers) will only keep you stuck until the pain becomes unbearable (when those whispers turn into bricks upside our heads….I speak from personal experience on that one). Here’s the link to the teaching call / webinar: https://fccdl.in/urLDbXEeh

    by Sharon Pope on August 25th, 2016 at 2:36 pm
  5. Jennifer – You have to open up the lines of communication with your husband and tell him how you feel before it becomes too late. If you keep doing the same thing, reacting in the same way, not saying what needs to be said, nothing will change. It’s actually been my experience that it will actually get worse over time…If you want a guide for this journey…I’m here. http://www.sharonpopetruth.com/truth-clarity-session

    by Sharon Pope on July 3rd, 2017 at 4:34 pm
  6. This is me and I cannot put into words the relief I feel knowing I am not alone. I seriously thought I was going crazy.

    by Robbyn on October 6th, 2016 at 8:09 am
  7. I’m so sorry Robbyn. I think it helps to know that you’re not alone and that you’re not crazy…(if you had any idea the thousands of women that have reached out to me…..), but here’s the truth: Most of those thousands of women won’t solve the problem. They won’t attempt to make a sincere effort to fix what’s not working in the marriage and re-connect and they won’t leave either…they will remain stuck, unhappy and lonely for a very long time because they’re paralyzed, not knowing how to stay and not knowing how to go either. I don’t want that for you: http://www.sharonpopetruth.com/truth-clarity-session

    by Sharon Pope on July 3rd, 2017 at 4:30 pm
  8. This put into words exactly what I have attempted to express to my husband. I, like Robbyn, find relief in knowing that I am not the only one out there married to a great guy that I’m not in love with anymore.

    by Jackie on June 14th, 2017 at 5:15 pm
  9. I’m so sorry Jackie. I think it helps to know that you’re not alone and that you’re not crazy…(if you had any idea the thousands of women that have reached out to me…..), but here’s the truth: Most of those thousands of women won’t solve the problem. They won’t attempt to make a sincere effort to fix what’s not working in the marriage and re-connect and they won’t leave either…they will remain stuck, unhappy and lonely for a very long time because they’re paralyzed, not knowing how to stay and not knowing how to go either. I don’t want that for you: http://www.sharonpopetruth.com/truth-clarity-session

    by Sharon Pope on July 3rd, 2017 at 4:29 pm
  10. This is me and my husband. I cannot put into words the pain I received when my husband told me he was not in love with me. He loves me just not in love. We have been married for 30 years and still live together. We do have sex once a week and sleep in separate rooms. He tells me we have no one else so we need to stay together. What are your thoughts.

    by Sandra on June 15th, 2017 at 6:01 pm
  11. I could not disagree more. I think you both deserve to be truly happy and IN LOVE. So, either do the work to see if it is possible to re-connect or lovingly release each other so you can live in love every day. Love is all we’re here for….
    If you want help to see if you can re-connect, sign-up for a complimentary Truth & Clarity session with a member of my team to see if there’s a fit for us to work together. This is what I do……Here’s the link: http://www.sharonpopetruth.com/truth-clarity-session

    by Sharon Pope on July 3rd, 2017 at 4:24 pm
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When the Arguing Ends and You’re Left with a Grudging Tolerance

 “A grudging tolerance of thoughts and feelings is better than an outright struggle, but it leaves you feeling stuck and somewhat helpless. It’s a sense more of resignation than of acceptance, of entrapment rather than freedom, of being stuck rather than moving forward.”  Russ Harris, The Happiness Trap

 

“This is me. This is my marriage. Grudging tolerance….and stuck.”

My client, who I’ll refer to as Susan, sent me those words in a text.

The weight of her message hit me square in the heart.

Susan and her husband used to fight.

They had brutal fights.

He didn’t like it when ...continue reading...

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Stuck in Indecision

“Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case, it’s no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing.” Eckhart Tolle

 

My client, who I’ll refer to here as Mary to protect her privacy, is stuck in indecision about her marriage.

Marys’ relationship with her husband, Dan, has grown stale over their 16 year marriage. They stopped having meaningful conversations or dedicated time together once they began having children.

The ...continue reading...

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Nothing to Lose and Only Love to Gain

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.” Lao Tzu

 

Do you want to find a deep, soulful, lasting love?

Do you want to heal from a painful breakup?

Do you need more clarity about your current relationship?

This is the work I do; this is all I do. And I’m fortunate enough to be able to serve in a way that aligns with my soul.

Each month, I only take on 4 new clients to work with me individually. And I have come to a place in my practice where I ...continue reading...

Posted in: Inspiration for Myself & My Relationships | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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