“Peace doesn’t require two people; it only requires one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” Byron Katie
When there’s an ongoing struggle in our relationship, here’s what most of us do:
We complain to our partner about all the things we want them to change so that we can feel happy again in the relationship. And then we wait for that change to come.
As they say….don’t hold your breath.
No one changes just because you want them to.
The only time we begin to embrace change is when we’re in crisis-mode. That’s when we’re willing to endure the discomfort of doing it differently than the way it’s always been done.
Here’s a better strategy:
You take the lead to fix the relationship. You take the lead and the steps necessary to create the change needed in the relationship.
I know, I know……..I hear you saying, “Why should I do all the work?” It seems unfair.
I get it. But without someone stepping forward and taking the lead, both of you will wander aimlessly with no clear direction and likely remaining in this same painful place for more months or years.
Someone has to do it. And if not you, then who?
I know, I know……..I hear you saying, “I can’t do it alone.”
We’ve been taught that you both have to work on it together simultaneously, but that’s not actually true.
It just takes one of you to step forward and be willing to change the way you engage to fix the relationship. Because when you do, your partner’s reaction to you will also change.
And that….changes everything.