“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.” Nicholas Sparks
Michael was tall, broad-shouldered, muscular and devilishly handsome. He had a smile that lit up a room and a personality that was magnetic. He had confidence and charm. He was expressive and affectionate. He was younger than I, but the dreams he held for his life were that of a more mature man. He was what I refer to as bright and sparkly and I fell in love with him.
I was in a hurting place at the time. My marriage had been on life support for years and had just officially crumbled. The absolute lack of connection and affection between my husband and I left me feeling empty, disconnected and lonely. Michael and I quickly acknowledged our attraction for one another. Our relationship became a whirlwind of intense feelings and emotions I never even knew I had at that time; I had felt numb emotionally for most of my life and certainly in my marriage…so this felt very, very different.
We would talk for hours.
He would come over just to hold me through the night and wake-up next to me.
We would fall asleep on the phone together when we couldn’t physically be together.
He made me feel alive and sensual.
He saw me.
I let him into a place in my heart and soul that had been under lock and key for a long time.
I thought it was real….and maybe it was, but it certainly wasn’t lasting.
He broke my heart when he quickly moved on from our relationship. He broke my heart when he began seeing other women, even while still texting me and playing mind games. He broke my heart by making me feel insignificant.
Wait. Let me rephrase….
I allowed him to make me feel insignificant.
I allowed him to impact my confidence and who I knew myself to be.
And I overlooked some pretty bad and hurtful behavior- all because I was grateful that someone so bright and sparkly chose me.
The path to picking myself up from that place of such deep heartbreak is what set me on this path to help women heal after their own heartbreak. There is nothing like our closest, most intimate relationships to impact us in ways that other life challenges do not – leaving us feeling depleted and in many ways, lost.
But we’ve got to pull ourselves out of that pit, because if we don’t, we will continue to attract similar painful experiences again and again.
We’ve got to be willing to see the truth of the experience in order to no longer feel the sting of it all.
We don’t have to protect ourselves, never opening our hearts to love again.
We have to choose ourselves.