“Telling someone the truth is a loving act.” Mal Pancoast
Cathy is a strong, confident, and independent woman. She doesn’t need a man in her life; but she wants a man in her life. After her divorce 15 years ago, she raised her two sons as a single mom and became a successful business woman. She has a wide circle of friends, is funny, likes to travel and enjoys her life.
But Cathy had convinced herself that “The men she wanted, didn’t want her,” and “The men that wanted her, she didn’t want.”
Over the years, there had been dozens of men in her life, but none of them lasted longer than six months. She would sabotage the good relationships because she had carried an underlying belief that if they loved her, then there must be something wrong with them. Cathy told herself, “She wasn’t good at love,” and “Maybe she actually doesn’t deserve the kind of relationship she wants.”
Like so many women, she believed the painful thought that she would need to settle in order to get the kind of partner she desires for her life.
But none of it was true.
None. Of. It.
And all of it was holding her back from the getting the kind of relationship she desired.
It was her own fearful thoughts that were keeping her stuck in her painful stories.
It was her underlying beliefs about herself and what was possible that kept love at bay.
And it was the lies she had come to believe that kept her moving from relationship to relationship, sabotaging opportunities and continually hiding her heart.
Once Cathy was brave enough to question those thoughts and beliefs, they loosened their grip.
Once Cathy could see these beliefs as the untruths that were keeping her from the relationship she desired, new possibilities opened up for her.
Once Cathy could see the truth about her role in the creation of her own experiences, she had the tools to create a future experience in love that looks dramatically different than her past experiences in love.
Truth and love are inseparable. Without the truth, there’s nowhere to go, and there’s nothing to work with. Love cannot take root and thrive in a bed of lies, and you cannot sustain love while its seeds are drowning in half-truths.
In our most intimate relationships, we can unintentionally allow our emotions, fears and wounds from the past to cloud the truth and keep us from the love we desire.
We stay stuck when we stop with the story that’s easy to tell (”I’m not good at love”), rather than the story that’s real and raw, truthful and transparent.
Once we can gently and compassionately challenge and see past the lies we didn’t know we were carrying, we can stop the maddening act of desperately searching for love and instead, become love.
Tell the Truth. Show up in Love. Live in Freedom.