The Pain in Relationships is Circular

We all have pain in relationships. And many times, the arguments that result from that pain are circular.

“I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts there can be no more hurt, only more love.” Mother Theresa

 

Let me see if I can do this story justice….

Renee and Pete love one another; truly. And they both sincerely want to make their relationship work.

Some days she can’t imagine ever spending her life with anyone else. There is great chemistry. There is a comfort between them. She says she’s never loved anyone the way ...continue reading...

“When your life shatters, you’re being awakened.” Martha Beck

 

Ten years ago, I was submerged in a life and a career that I thought contained all the keys to happiness, but instead was a life I wanted to escape from.

I was married to a man that was nice and kind, but not passionate or connected. I was in a career that kept me striving, but never really thriving or knowing my value.

My life was filled with all the things that looked great from the outside, but left me feeling empty and alone inside:

A four-bedroom home ...continue reading...

“There is a kind of love that is so deep it consumes our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls.

There is a kind of love that is passionate, intimate, and connected.

Sometimes it’s that kind of love that we’ve never felt before that leads us to believe we’ll never feel that way again with another person in the future. And the thought of not having it ever again is almost too much to bear, like a sick joke that’s being played on our hearts.”

Sharon Pope, Soulful Truth Telling: Why Can’t I Get Over Him?

 

The greatest heartbreak of ...continue reading...

“The longest journey you will make in your life is from your head to your heart.” Sioux legend

Tammy was a woman that found me through Facebook. She had read the blog post I wrote on narcissism and knew she needed help getting out of her toxic, abusive and emotionally destructive relationship. She’s given up everything to be with a man that makes her feel isolated, weak and lost.

He lies.

He cheats.

He hits.

He manipulates.

A woman who was once happy, positive and confident is now – 4 years later after falling in love with a ...continue reading...

“…before a wound can heal, it must be seen.” Julia Cameron

 

It’s not that I think affirmations are a bad thing; I don’t.

The mind can be incredibly powerful.

But too often, we try to use affirmations to cover-up something that doesn’t feel good – sort of like covering a dilapidated room with pink paint. It might look okay on the surface, but there’s something more going on here.

When we’re in pain, we have two choices: We can pay attention to it and heal it or we can suppress it, ignore it, and pretend like it doesn’t ...continue reading...

“Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you.” Loretta Young

When we don’t have the love we want in our lives, many times our efforts will go toward finding the person that we can love and that will return that love.

When I was healing my own broken heart years ago, I thought the answer to my emptiness and loneliness was to simply fill that hole with a man. And because I so desperately wanted to avoid those feelings, I wasn’t as particular about who that man was as I should have been.

The problem was ...continue reading...

“One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing to walk away or try harder.”   Ziad K. Abdelnour

Some really interesting things happen when I share my story in a public way.

Many women step forward and say, “Me too; that’s my story. I also was in a marriage where there was very little connection or passion.” It’s a beautiful gift to know that we’re not alone and that whatever we’re going through, someone else out there has also had that experience.

But many women also tentatively approach me seeking an answer to their very personal ...continue reading...

“God pulls us through life by the heart.” Martha Beck

As I’ve been building my life coaching practice, I’ve become very clear on who it is I want to serve. The truth is that the people I can help the most are people who are going through something in their lives that I’ve also experienced and come through myself.

That’s why I have a special place in my heart for people who are healing a broken heart.

I have had my heart broken and I have broken hearts – both experiences sucked (quite frankly!). I got emotionally lost for a bit, ...continue reading...