“Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” Khalil Gibran
My clients, Jenna and Steve, have been together for 12 years, a second marriage for them both. She’s very clear that she wants more connection, more intimacy and even more fun in their relationship. She wants to feel like a priority, she wants more communication and she wants more time together. And she’s told him again and again in a variety of ways what she wants.
So why hasn’t he done it?
It’s not like it’s difficult.
It’s not like she hasn’t been clear.
He should want that too, ...continue reading...
“Every day brings new choices.” Martha Beck
I was having lunch this week with a dear friend of mine who has been divorced from her husband for a little over a year. She asked me for my opinion to a sincere question: “Do you think I’m hiding from love?” She hasn’t dated much since her divorce and although she would like to have someone in her life, finding love hasn’t been a priority for her.
I thought about it for a few seconds and gave her my honest answer: “No. I don’t think you’re hiding from love at ...continue reading...
“Questions are only offensive to those who have something to hide.” Gary Hopkins
I see it all the time with my clients, particularly those that are struggling with trying to figure out if they should stay or go in their relationship and worry that their partner has something to hide.
They suspect he’s not being truthful, but they have no real proof of that.
They go looking for proof – snooping, cell phone records, drive-bys, even GPS trackers on their cars or phones. They go looking for proof because they don’t trust their guts that have been talking ...continue reading...
“A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are for.” J. A. Shedd
We go to school for decades to learn about things like math, science, reading and history. We spend years learning about the square root of 120 and the symbol of iron in chemistry.
But when we’re at the end of our lives and we think back about what mattered most, inevitably what mattered was our relationships. And our most intimate relationships are the greatest indicator of how we’ll feel about life at the end of our days. Our closest relationships are ...continue reading...
“When you turn your back, you’ve lost her.” Estee Lauder
You’ve stopped sharing your hopes and dreams, passions and desires with each other.
Your conversations are ruled by all the logistics for the kids.
You haven’t looked in each other’s eyes in forever…and you’re not sure you really want to anymore. It feels awkward….foreign, almost….
This is what it looks like when you’ve grown apart.
No one wakes up one day and realized that overnight they have grown apart from their partner; it happens slowly over time. It goes virtually unnoticed until the distance feels wide enough that ...continue reading...
“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.” Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open
We resist change, don’t we?
We don’t like it when things end.
Change can cause discomfort and we certainly aren’t comfortable with discomfort.
We’re in a world where nothing – NOTHING – ever stays the same:
Our jobs change,
Our skills ...continue reading...