Why We Avoid Setting Boundaries

If You Keep Doing the Same Thing, You Should Expect the Same Result.

Why We Avoid Setting Boundaries

Posts Tagged 'my marriage'

Why We Avoid Setting Boundaries

“When you know you are of worth, you don’t have to raise your voice, you don’t have to become rude, you don’t have to become vulgar; you just are. And you are like the sky is, as the air is, the same way water is wet. It doesn’t have to protest.” Maya Angelou

 

If we are setting boundaries, people won’t like us.

If we use our voices to express out loud what is and is not okay, people will want to silence us.

If we set healthy boundaries, others will think we’re bitchy or bossy.

We avoid confrontation ...continue reading...

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The Kiss of Death for Your Marriage: The Need to be Right

Occasionally a marriage will end as a result of one single incident, such as infidelity. But more often than not, it’s the day-to-day hurtful words and actions between a couple that dissolve a marriage slowly over time. And almost nothing can chip away at a marriage more directly than one or both partners’ need to be right when there’s a disagreement.

The desire to be right is something that was taught to us at a very young age. When we get the answers right in school, we get better grades. We went out into competitive working environments and those ...continue reading...

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1825 Days Without Affection

“Each night ask yourself…when did you withhold love when you might have given it?” Marianne Williamson

 

My client, Marilyn, told me it had been at least 5 years since she and her husband had sex.

She said they fall asleep each night lying next to one another, but feeling a million miles away from him.

Through tears Marilyn shared that she hadn’t been held in at least that long.

That’s 1825 days without affection.

1825 days without physical closeness and connection.

1825 days without feeling seen and understood.

1825 days without emotional support, intimacy and vulnerability.

1825 days ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Why Bother Trying?

“Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” Roy T. Bennett

 

Fixing our relationship just seems so hard…

Maybe it would just be easier to find someone who has the qualities I want in an intimate relationship…

It’s probably not going to work. Why bother trying?

When you’ve been with your partner for decades and struggling for years, it might seem like the easier option is to quit on the relationship all together.

I have a client who likes to watch movies; he husband doesn’t. Surely it wouldn’t be that difficult to find someone who likes to ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Your Relationship Prep for the New Year

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you’re not going to stay where you are.” Unknown

 

I’ve not always been the biggest fan of New Year’s (until I decided to get married on NYE, that is…). But one thing it’s good for is taking stock of where you are in your relationship and becoming intentional about where you want to go in your relationship or marriage.

Maybe things haven’t been going that well…

Maybe you’ve been arguing more and the resentments have been mounting…

Maybe you’ve just begun to co-exist as parents, losing who you ...continue reading...

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Sharing Some Gifts with You

“Love is not about property, diamonds and gifts. It is about sharing your very self with the world around you.” Pablo Neruda

At this time of year, we’re thinking a lot about presents.

Let’s also think about gifts…our gifts…the ones we share with the world.

One of the benefits of having a coaching business like mine is that I am literally surrounded by other soulful, inspiring people doing amazing, heart-centered work in the world. And sometimes, our paths intersect and we get to combine our gifts on podcasts exploring and answering the bigger questions of our lives and relationships.

...continue reading...
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The Difference between Loving Someone & Using Them…

“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” RD Laing, MD

Yesterday I had a VIP Day with a brave and openhearted woman struggling to understand whether or not she should release her 39-year marriage and to make peace with her decision.

Having been a therapist, she picked up many of the coaching tools I shared with her and concepts quickly. But she also taught me something yesterday as well: There is an important distinction between loving someone and using someone:

When we use our partners to avoid pain,

...continue reading...
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What Will Happen If I Let It Go?

“Things are as they are, we suffer because we imagined different.” Anonymous

 

Our expectations of other people and our attachments to how we think the circumstances of our lives should be get us in an awful lot of trouble.

We expect that our husbands will notice when we’re overwhelmed and that he’ll step in and do something about it so that we feel some relief…

We expect that our spouses will be appreciative for all of our hard work…

We expect that the people around us will be happy and positive and grateful.

And we attach to those ...continue reading...

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The Danger of Our Expectations. A Very Personal Story.

“Expectations will steal the gifts that are sitting right there in front of you.” Jada Pinkett Smith

 

This deeply personal story could help every relationship you have…

I am witnessing my mother as she moves through the disease of Alzheimer’s. She struggles to complete sentences and yet she’s still able to get her point across. She can’t follow a storyline on a TV show or in a book, but she’s very much present in the moment and enjoying herself being entertained. She often repeats herself, but nothing ever goes unsaid.

My mother is at a place now where ...continue reading...

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The Mature Marriage: Five Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” Haruki Murakami

Even though divorce rates for younger couples is on the decline, the rate of divorces in mature marriages is increasing. As a matter of fact, the divorce rate has nearly doubled for couples age 50 and over throughout the past ...continue reading...

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