My Musings on Marriage

If You Keep Doing the Same Thing, You Should Expect the Same Result.

My Musings on Marriage

Posts Tagged 'my marriage'

My Musings on Marriage

“Most of us are imprisoned by something. We’re living in darkness until something flips on the switch.” Wynonna Judd

 

I love the idea of having someone to walk beside in this life.

I love that we get to be a witness to one another’s lives.

And I love that we get to share the joys and sorrows of life with another human being.

But the institution of marriage is sort of a peculiar thing to me…

Marriage was originally created as an alliance between two families, where the property rights, money, and bloodlines could be secured within the ...continue reading...

Posted in: Inspiration for Myself & My Relationships | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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All Love Matters…Even When It Ends

When my client, who I’ll refer to as Vicky began working with me, she was trying to determine if there was any hope for her marriage that had been on the ropes for years. They were separated and ready to file papers, but she was still holding on and wasn’t sure why.One week later, her husband told her that from his perspective, he was done and the marriage was over. As you can imagine, the finality of that sent her reeling…thinking she had just wasted the last twenty years with a man who didn’t love her anymore. After the shock ...continue reading...

Posted in: Healing after Heartbreak or Divorce | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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The Shame of Staying

“Shame is a soul eating emotion.” Carl Gustav Jung

 

My new client, who I’ll refer to as Paula, recently found out that her husband has been having an affair with another woman for at least ten years. As you can imagine, she’s devastated.

Ten years together isn’t a fling or a simple indiscretion; it’s a relationship.

Paula is wondering why she ignored the signs.

She’s wondering where exactly the marriage broke in order for her 30-year marriage to be vulnerable to an affair.

She’s wondering how she’ll ever be able to trust again.

She vacillates between blaming herself ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Was Your Marriage Put on a Shelf?

“Rarely does anything get properly cooked on the back burner.” Susan Gale

Back when most of us got married, it felt like some sort of an accomplishment. We checked that box with a buoyant optimism and then quickly got busy with the other important life goals and building a life together. 

We build a home together and buy new furniture.

We get a pet.

We often operate on stress and fumes as we achieve at work, reaching for greater and greater success each in our own way.

At some point, we begin creating a family together and bring new ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , ,
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Are You Growing Closer Together or Drifting Further Apart?

“Continents drift and so do hearts.” John Mark Green

In my marriage and relationship coaching practice, people reach out to me when their marriages have been struggling for years or even decades. Their relationships have become so unbearable that they’re considering leaving the marriage and are feeling paralyzed in fear because they don’t know how to fix the marriage and make it better, but they don’t know how to leave either. They tell me they feel stuck, sad, alone, scared and disconnected.

One of the questions I ask these people in my first discussion with them is, “What will ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Resentments of an Alpha Female

“Being both soft and strong is an accomplishment that very few have mastered.” Yasmin Mogahed

 

In my first marriage, I was a woman who was strong and capable and driven. I was a marketing executive climbing the corporate ladder who led large teams of people and prided herself on being the one who could GSD (aka: Get Shit Done).

As you can imagine, there is no “off” switch that helped me to soften on my way home to my husband after work each night, so I unconsciously brought that same controlling energy and GSD approach into my marriage. ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Why We Avoid Setting Boundaries

“When you know you are of worth, you don’t have to raise your voice, you don’t have to become rude, you don’t have to become vulgar; you just are. And you are like the sky is, as the air is, the same way water is wet. It doesn’t have to protest.” Maya Angelou

 

If we are setting boundaries, people won’t like us.

If we use our voices to express out loud what is and is not okay, people will want to silence us.

If we set healthy boundaries, others will think we’re bitchy or bossy.

We avoid confrontation ...continue reading...

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The Kiss of Death for Your Marriage: The Need to be Right

Occasionally a marriage will end as a result of one single incident, such as infidelity. But more often than not, it’s the day-to-day hurtful words and actions between a couple that dissolve a marriage slowly over time. And almost nothing can chip away at a marriage more directly than one or both partners’ need to be right when there’s a disagreement.

The desire to be right is something that was taught to us at a very young age. When we get the answers right in school, we get better grades. We went out into competitive working environments and those ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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1825 Days Without Affection

“Each night ask yourself…when did you withhold love when you might have given it?” Marianne Williamson

 

My client, Marilyn, told me it had been at least 5 years since she and her husband had sex.

She said they fall asleep each night lying next to one another, but feeling a million miles away from him.

Through tears Marilyn shared that she hadn’t been held in at least that long.

That’s 1825 days without affection.

1825 days without physical closeness and connection.

1825 days without feeling seen and understood.

1825 days without emotional support, intimacy and vulnerability.

1825 days ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Why Bother Trying?

“Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” Roy T. Bennett

 

Fixing our relationship just seems so hard…

Maybe it would just be easier to find someone who has the qualities I want in an intimate relationship…

It’s probably not going to work. Why bother trying?

When you’ve been with your partner for decades and struggling for years, it might seem like the easier option is to quit on the relationship all together.

I have a client who likes to watch movies; he husband doesn’t. Surely it wouldn’t be that difficult to find someone who likes to ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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