Why We Avoid Setting Boundaries

If You Keep Doing the Same Thing, You Should Expect the Same Result.

Why We Avoid Setting Boundaries

Posts Tagged 'my marriage is in trouble'

Why We Avoid Setting Boundaries

“When you know you are of worth, you don’t have to raise your voice, you don’t have to become rude, you don’t have to become vulgar; you just are. And you are like the sky is, as the air is, the same way water is wet. It doesn’t have to protest.” Maya Angelou

 

If we are setting boundaries, people won’t like us.

If we use our voices to express out loud what is and is not okay, people will want to silence us.

If we set healthy boundaries, others will think we’re bitchy or bossy.

We avoid confrontation ...continue reading...

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Why People in Healthcare Struggle in Their Marriages

“Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible.” Mao Zedong

 

If you were to look at the national averages for divorce rates in the US for people in the healthcare profession, it would show them beating the national averages (Physicians and Surgeons divorcing at a rate of 21.8% and Healthcare professionals 31.6% according to quartz.com*). However, that hasn’t been my experience.

I have doctors and surgeons, wives of doctors and surgeons, nurses and therapists as clients. I also have teachers, administrators, corporate execs and other professions, but people in the healthcare field certainly make up more than ...continue reading...

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1825 Days Without Affection

“Each night ask yourself…when did you withhold love when you might have given it?” Marianne Williamson

 

My client, Marilyn, told me it had been at least 5 years since she and her husband had sex.

She said they fall asleep each night lying next to one another, but feeling a million miles away from him.

Through tears Marilyn shared that she hadn’t been held in at least that long.

That’s 1825 days without affection.

1825 days without physical closeness and connection.

1825 days without feeling seen and understood.

1825 days without emotional support, intimacy and vulnerability.

1825 days ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Some of the Most Successful People You Know Have Relationship Struggles

“Every great man, every successful man, no matter what the field of endeavor, has known the magic that lies in these words: every adversity has the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” W. Clement Stone

 

A bonus of my relationship coaching practice is that I get to meet and work with some pretty phenomenal people:

I’ve worked with a Functional Medicine Doctor & Nutritionist who also plays the drums for a band several nights each week.

I’ve worked with several woman who decided later in life that they wanted to learn how to fly – literally – ...continue reading...

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Why Bother Trying?

“Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” Roy T. Bennett

 

Fixing our relationship just seems so hard…

Maybe it would just be easier to find someone who has the qualities I want in an intimate relationship…

It’s probably not going to work. Why bother trying?

When you’ve been with your partner for decades and struggling for years, it might seem like the easier option is to quit on the relationship all together.

I have a client who likes to watch movies; he husband doesn’t. Surely it wouldn’t be that difficult to find someone who likes to ...continue reading...

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Your Relationship Prep for the New Year

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you’re not going to stay where you are.” Unknown

 

I’ve not always been the biggest fan of New Year’s (until I decided to get married on NYE, that is…). But one thing it’s good for is taking stock of where you are in your relationship and becoming intentional about where you want to go in your relationship or marriage.

Maybe things haven’t been going that well…

Maybe you’ve been arguing more and the resentments have been mounting…

Maybe you’ve just begun to co-exist as parents, losing who you ...continue reading...

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Sharing Some Gifts with You

“Love is not about property, diamonds and gifts. It is about sharing your very self with the world around you.” Pablo Neruda

At this time of year, we’re thinking a lot about presents.

Let’s also think about gifts…our gifts…the ones we share with the world.

One of the benefits of having a coaching business like mine is that I am literally surrounded by other soulful, inspiring people doing amazing, heart-centered work in the world. And sometimes, our paths intersect and we get to combine our gifts on podcasts exploring and answering the bigger questions of our lives and relationships.

...continue reading...
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Someone Has to Take the Lead

“Peace doesn’t require two people; it only requires one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” Byron Katie

When a relationship is struggling, it’s easy to sit back and wait for the other person to make the necessary changes to make it better. But it’s not an effective strategy because it very rarely happens that one partner takes the lead, so the problems continue to worsen, the resentments mount and the disconnection between the two people widens.

It takes only one person to make a difference. I know we’ve been told that we both have ...continue reading...

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The Difference between Loving Someone & Using Them…

“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” RD Laing, MD

Yesterday I had a VIP Day with a brave and openhearted woman struggling to understand whether or not she should release her 39-year marriage and to make peace with her decision.

Having been a therapist, she picked up many of the coaching tools I shared with her and concepts quickly. But she also taught me something yesterday as well: There is an important distinction between loving someone and using someone:

When we use our partners to avoid pain,

...continue reading...
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What Will Happen If I Let It Go?

“Things are as they are, we suffer because we imagined different.” Anonymous

 

Our expectations of other people and our attachments to how we think the circumstances of our lives should be get us in an awful lot of trouble.

We expect that our husbands will notice when we’re overwhelmed and that he’ll step in and do something about it so that we feel some relief…

We expect that our spouses will be appreciative for all of our hard work…

We expect that the people around us will be happy and positive and grateful.

And we attach to those ...continue reading...

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