“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust.” Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
My client’s husband values freedom more than anything; freedom to express himself, freedom to live his life on his terms, even the freedom to be able to leave at any moment. Feeling the weight of shackles of any kind is like his own ...continue reading...
“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” Khalil Gibran
He is a good man. He was raised by his grandmother and taught to be honest and responsible. He cares deeply about people, loves his children more than life itself and prioritizes relationships and experiences above things every day of the week. Plus he’s handsome, with soft blue eyes….
But he and his wife are struggling. The stress of daily life, working to pay the bills and raise a family has taken its toll on them as a ...continue reading...
“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein
When we’re struggling in our marriages, we’re always looking for a way to improve it, to make it feel better.
But all too often, what ends up happening is using the same thinking and ways to engage with one another because it’s all we know. For instance:
Something happens between you and you argue trying to get your partner to see it from your perspective… You both give each other the silent treatment for a day or two… Eventually, ...continue reading...Our life together looked picture-perfect from the outside. We both had good jobs, a beautiful home in a suburban golf community, plenty of friends and supportive families. We took vacations, had nice cars and retirement accounts. From the outside looking in, my life probably looked enviable by most people’s standards. But on the inside, all I felt was alone.
My husband was (and very likely still is) a good, kind man. He was responsible and hard-working, honest and caring. He was many things, but affectionate wasn’t one of them. We never awoke in each other’s arms or lost track ...continue reading...
“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it…it dies.” Tony Gaskins
The best predictor for whether a couple will ultimately divorce is not their age, income or even whether they are facing stressful life challenges. It’s how they communicate.
Sandra and her husband have been married for 18 years and have two kids together. Her husband thinks their marriage is fine, but Sandra feels like she has more of a roommate than a husband. There is no emotional connection between them, they don’t talk much and they rarely touch. Here’s what she shared with me:
...continue reading...
