“Peace doesn’t require two people; it only requires one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” Byron Katie
When a relationship is struggling, it’s easy to sit back and wait for the other person to make the necessary changes to make it better. But it’s not an effective strategy because it very rarely happens that one partner takes the lead, so the problems continue to worsen, the resentments mount and the disconnection between the two people widens.
It takes only one person to make a difference. I know we’ve been told that we both have ...continue reading...
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Mother Theresa
Women who have lied find me…
Women who have cheated find me…
Women who have engaged with married men find me…
Women who have done things they’re not proud of find me…
And even men who are imperfect themselves occasionally find me.
They find me because the words I use let them know they’re safe with me.
They won’t be judged.
Or ridiculed….
Or made to feel worse than they already do…
I lost my ability to judge others because I know what it’s like ...continue reading...
“It can’t be a great marriage without being a great partnership.” Helen Mirren
In coaching, recognizing yourself in others is something called, ‘You spot it, you got it.’ The idea is that you wouldn’t truly be able to see and understand a client’s experience as deeply as you do unless you have an element of that in yourself as well.
And boy do I understand this one…
The Type A personality is defined as someone who is highly organized, ambitious, impatient, and may be competitive and/or aggressive in their approach to getting things done.
Sometimes, as women we ...continue reading...
“Discomfort is a wise teacher.” Carolyn Myss
My client, who I’ll refer to here as Stella, had been married for 18 years when she found out that her husband had been involved in an online emotional affair with an ex-girlfriend for at least three years.
Sounds like a betrayal, right?
Yes, it was. But he wasn’t the only one doing some betraying…
Stella couldn’t remember the last time she felt good about her marriage.
They argued a lot and nothing ever seemed to get resolved.
Every time she tried to talk to her husband about the problems in ...continue reading...
“One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful, peaceful and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. As long as you can blame someone else, be angry with someone else, point a finger at someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your life.” Iyanla Vanzant
Fran and Steve had been together for 26 years.
Fran had become more controlling after their children were born and their schedules became more and more chaotic.
She would frequently talk over him when he tried to speak.
She would stifle his ideas and ...continue reading...
“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” Epicurus
The average American spends 2160 days in school, and based upon the average life span, that’s 12% of all the days of our lives spent in school. During that time, we learn about things such as math, science, reading, writing, languages, etc. These are all important topics to help us function in the world and become productive adults.
But at the end of our lives, when we’re lying there close to taking our last breath and reflecting ...continue reading...
“Being aware of the bondage is enough to free you from its clutches.” Mata Amritanandamayi
Here’s how relationships typically work:
When our partners are behaving in a way that we find pleasing, we feel good……or at least not bad.
When our partners are behaving in a way that we find displeasing, we feel rotten……or disgusted or angry.
But if our feeling good is dependent upon our partner behaving in a certain way…
We’ll always be feeling vulnerable (since we cannot control his actions, choices or behaviors)
And they’ll be in bondage (feeling ...continue reading...
“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” Thomas Jefferson
Jillian has been working on her marriage – trying to make it better – for a long time. She and her husband have been together for 28 years. Things between them were fine at first, even nice, but they were so young and that was so long ago. Then they began having children and spent the next two decades just trying to keep their head above water while growing their family business, running the home, and raising three rowdy boys. But now ...continue reading...
“It can be difficult, if not impossible, for many divorced people to ever rest in a state of pure grief, pure anger, or pure relief when it comes to feelings about one’s ex-spouse. Instead, the emotions often remain mixed-up together in an uncomfortably raw stew of contradictions for many years.” Elizabeth Gilbert
In almost every divorce, there is always one person that is asking for the divorce and one that is not. Although no one – not even the person seeking the change – gets out of divorce free from hurt, often times the one that is left ...continue reading...
“One is not born a woman, one becomes one.” Simone De Beauvoir
My client, who I’ll refer to as Tammy, is getting ready to have that incredibly difficult conversation with her husband. She’s been unhappy in her marriage for a long time; it’s not been kept a secret. But she’s preparing to have the conversation where she takes that next big step and shares the decision she’s made to separate with him.
When we’re in the midst of a difficult situation:
Hard conversations we’ve been avoiding for far too long… Sharing our feelings without knowing how it will be ...continue reading...
