“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional.” Stephen Kendrick
Loving unconditionally is easy to say, living it is so much more difficult.
When my husband is telling me how beautiful I am and doing the things that make me happy, I am loving toward him and think loving thoughts about him. When he does something that makes me feel hurt or tells how frustrated he is with me, I shut down or punch back and become hurtful in return.
That’s loving conditionally.
When we feel heard and understood, that feels like standing in ...continue reading...
“When you know you are of worth, you don’t have to raise your voice, you don’t have to become rude, you don’t have to become vulgar; you just are. And you are like the sky is, as the air is, the same way water is wet. It doesn’t have to protest.” Maya Angelou
If we are setting boundaries, people won’t like us.
If we use our voices to express out loud what is and is not okay, people will want to silence us.
If we set healthy boundaries, others will think we’re bitchy or bossy.
We avoid confrontation ...continue reading...
Occasionally a marriage will end as a result of one single incident, such as infidelity. But more often than not, it’s the day-to-day hurtful words and actions between a couple that dissolve a marriage slowly over time. And almost nothing can chip away at a marriage more directly than one or both partners’ need to be right when there’s a disagreement.
The desire to be right is something that was taught to us at a very young age. When we get the answers right in school, we get better grades. We went out into competitive working environments and those ...continue reading...
“Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” Roy T. Bennett
Fixing our relationship just seems so hard…
Maybe it would just be easier to find someone who has the qualities I want in an intimate relationship…
It’s probably not going to work. Why bother trying?
When you’ve been with your partner for decades and struggling for years, it might seem like the easier option is to quit on the relationship all together.
I have a client who likes to watch movies; he husband doesn’t. Surely it wouldn’t be that difficult to find someone who likes to ...continue reading...
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you’re not going to stay where you are.” Unknown
I’ve not always been the biggest fan of New Year’s (until I decided to get married on NYE, that is…). But one thing it’s good for is taking stock of where you are in your relationship and becoming intentional about where you want to go in your relationship or marriage.
Maybe things haven’t been going that well…
Maybe you’ve been arguing more and the resentments have been mounting…
Maybe you’ve just begun to co-exist as parents, losing who you ...continue reading...
“Love is not about property, diamonds and gifts. It is about sharing your very self with the world around you.” Pablo Neruda
At this time of year, we’re thinking a lot about presents.
Let’s also think about gifts…our gifts…the ones we share with the world.
One of the benefits of having a coaching business like mine is that I am literally surrounded by other soulful, inspiring people doing amazing, heart-centered work in the world. And sometimes, our paths intersect and we get to combine our gifts on podcasts exploring and answering the bigger questions of our lives and relationships.
...continue reading...“Peace doesn’t require two people; it only requires one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” Byron Katie
When a relationship is struggling, it’s easy to sit back and wait for the other person to make the necessary changes to make it better. But it’s not an effective strategy because it very rarely happens that one partner takes the lead, so the problems continue to worsen, the resentments mount and the disconnection between the two people widens.
It takes only one person to make a difference. I know we’ve been told that we both have ...continue reading...
“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” RD Laing, MD
Yesterday I had a VIP Day with a brave and openhearted woman struggling to understand whether or not she should release her 39-year marriage and to make peace with her decision.
Having been a therapist, she picked up many of the coaching tools I shared with her and concepts quickly. But she also taught me something yesterday as well: There is an important distinction between loving someone and using someone:
When we use our partners to avoid pain,
...continue reading...“Things are as they are, we suffer because we imagined different.” Anonymous
Our expectations of other people and our attachments to how we think the circumstances of our lives should be get us in an awful lot of trouble.
We expect that our husbands will notice when we’re overwhelmed and that he’ll step in and do something about it so that we feel some relief…
We expect that our spouses will be appreciative for all of our hard work…
We expect that the people around us will be happy and positive and grateful.
And we attach to those ...continue reading...
“Expectations will steal the gifts that are sitting right there in front of you.” Jada Pinkett Smith
This deeply personal story could help every relationship you have…
I am witnessing my mother as she moves through the disease of Alzheimer’s. She struggles to complete sentences and yet she’s still able to get her point across. She can’t follow a storyline on a TV show or in a book, but she’s very much present in the moment and enjoying herself being entertained. She often repeats herself, but nothing ever goes unsaid.
My mother is at a place now where ...continue reading...
