“Rarely does anything get properly cooked on the back burner.” Susan Gale
Back when most of us got married, it felt like some sort of an accomplishment. We checked that box with a buoyant optimism and then quickly got busy with the other important life goals and building a life together.
We build a home together and buy new furniture.
We get a pet.
We often operate on stress and fumes as we achieve at work, reaching for greater and greater success each in our own way.
At some point, we begin creating a family together and bring new ...continue reading...
“They were involved in that awkward procedure of getting to unknow each other.” John Irving
Making the decision to leave a marriage doesn’t happen overnight and it’s never made lightly. It’s never a result of one thing, one argument or one issue. By the time someone decides to walk out the door, there have been years or even decades of slowly walking away from one another in small ways every day:
Make excuses to see friends, rather than spend time with your spouse Intentionally drinking alcohol in order to make love Stop dressing up for your partner or trying ...continue reading...“I do believe that 50 is the new 40 and 60 is the new 50. Hell, maybe 60 can be the new 40, I don’t know. I believe that when we give ourselves permission, we can live with an excitement and heat and passion that most women in previous generations were unable to attain.” Marianne Williamson
Five years ago, my husband and I were in St. Lucia. I recall looking around the pool of mature couples and noticing how every single woman – myself included – save two of them were reading the first Fifty Shades of Grey ...continue reading...
“Communication is the fuel that keeps the fire of your relationship burning. Without it, your relationship goes cold.” William Paisley
The health of our relationships is directly tied to our ability to communicate. When we don’t do it well, it creates conflicts and disconnection in our relationships. And when we do it well, we create relationships that feel more open, honest and trusting.
But maybe you knew that already…
Here’s something I recently read that blew my mind:
When asked what they would like more of in their marriage that they don’t currently have – both men and women ...continue reading...
“Adults get to behave however they want.” Brooke Castillo
My client, Maggie, has begged her husband, Joe, for years to spend more time with her. The kids are grown and off on their own now and Maggie is ready to travel more, go to concerts, art exhibits, and new restaurants. She would like to feel more connected to Joe, but keeps hitting what feels like a brick wall.
She asks him if he wants to plan a trip to the Caribbean and he says, “No, I can’t be away from work for that long.”
She buys tickets to ...continue reading...
“Work is hard. Distractions are plentiful. And time is short.” Adam Hochschild
If you’ve spent the whole summer spending quality time with your kids, but also using that as a way to avoid dealing with the problems in your marriage, then now is the time.
Now is the time to stop avoiding and distracting yourself.
The problems haven’t magically been fixed and hurts haven’t instantly been healed.
The problems are either lying there in the silent shadows or they’re slowly making the distance between the two of you wider and wider.
But fixing a marriage is hard.
Pouring ...continue reading...
“You’re always in the process of becoming. You aren’t who you were and you aren’t who you are going to be.” Rob Bell
Maybe some of this sounds familiar:
“You’ve changed. Now you’re too…(fill-in the blank).”
“Why can’t you just go back to the woman you were when we got married?”
“I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
I’m not sure exactly where we got this idea that, as living beings, the day we get married, we’re supposed to be freeze-dried and placed into a little box…
Never to evolve or grow…
Never to challenge ourselves and become ...continue reading...
“Cancer is that awful word we all fear when we go to the doctor…, but in that brief dark moment we hear it the world we live in and the people we share it with begin to illuminate things we did not even pay attention to.” BD Phillips
I wrote an article for an online publication called, My Marriage, My Affair and The Hard Lessons Learned. The article has gotten picked-up on other web sites, has provoked a lot of conversation and I even got some nasty insults sent to me as a result.
Clearly, it talks about ...continue reading...
“When we are feeling disconnected from our partner, it isn’t necessarily a sign to leave, but a sign to go deeper.” Jennifer Wardowski
Last summer, my husband and I purchased a 60+ year old home from a darling 80+ year old woman. The home had become too much for her to take care of and she decided she would prefer to be in an assisted living community so the house sat empty for about a year. And during that time, when no one was living in the home, it deteriorated faster than when she was there doing her ...continue reading...
I liked it for so many reasons.. because of the lack of intimacy & talking through things in my marriage I liked the “passion” & ability to talk through the issues they had.. not necessarily for the S&M part but for trying new things & talking about their fears.. I liked how their characters changed.. how he softened because he fell in love & she grew stronger because of his love.. I liked how he cared for, provided for & protected her.. because of his wealth & ability but I thought it was also because he found himself genuinely caring for her. Maybe too I liked it because it tapped into the “naughty” & adventurous side of me I didn’t know I had.. maybe because it was “wrong” to so many I felt I wanted to check it out myself & there’s part of me that’s glad I did.