Why We Choose to Cheat Instead of Leave a Bad Marriage

If You Keep Doing the Same Thing, You Should Expect the Same Result.

Why We Choose to Cheat Instead of Leave a Bad Marriage

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Why We Choose to Cheat Instead of Leave a Bad Marriage

“The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.” Cheryl Hughes

My client, Susan, was cheating on her husband of 27 years. The affair had been going on for two years and even though she knew it was wrong and destructive and disrespectful to her husband, she wouldn’t turn away from it. It provided her the simple, but dangerous distraction from the emptiness that existed within her marriage. Her marriage wasn’t bad, it was just empty: no connection, no ...continue reading...

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  1. Hi Sharon,
    Wow. You could’ve written that about my life. After 27 years of marriage I did take the scary leap and filed for divorce. I am leaving a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage with a Cerebral Narcissist. Young moms who are divorcing will ask me why I stayed so long. The abuse was very insidious and covert. And when I stopped “complying and supplying” him, he became someone I no longer recognized. Evil. Pure evil. Like your client, I had an affair. Something I would judge others harshly for in the past. I never in my wildest dreams would’ve thought I would be that person. And I must tell you, it was the worst and best thing I ever did. This affair opened my eyes to what was really happening in my marriage. I needed to feel validated and desired. For the most part my marriage was sexless. And I believed i thought I was undeserving and disgusting to him. That’s what he wanted me to believe. But you are right. The affair was a soul sucker. It went against everything I held dear. My values were broken. And the red flags of him using me for sex were clear. But I chose to dismiss them. He was married too, but wanted a side piece. Me. I tried justifying it all I could. I even told my husband about the affair. BIG MISTAKE. You don’t tell a Narcississt you cheated on him. He is determined to destroy my name and me, but I am not willing to give him anymore than he has taken from me!

    by Lisa on April 20th, 2018 at 6:12 pm
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What a Shame.

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” Khalil Gibran

He is a good man. He was raised by his grandmother and taught to be honest and responsible. He cares deeply about people, loves his children more than life itself and prioritizes relationships and experiences above things every day of the week. Plus he’s handsome, with soft blue eyes….

But he and his wife are struggling. The stress of daily life, working to pay the bills and raise a family has taken its toll on them as a ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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You’ve Changed…

“You’re always in the process of becoming. You aren’t who you were and you aren’t who you are going to be.” Rob Bell

Maybe some of this sounds familiar:

“You’ve changed. Now you’re too…(fill-in the blank).”

“Why can’t you just go back to the woman you were when we got married?”

“I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

I’m not sure exactly where we got this idea that, as living beings, the day we get married, we’re supposed to be freeze-dried and placed into a little box…

Never to evolve or grow…

Never to challenge ourselves and become ...continue reading...

Posted in: Inspiration for Myself & My Relationships | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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  1. Everything has shifted & changed & I hope in the long hard process of the last few years that I have changed too.. for the better. I struggle sometimes because I want good changes because all of life has seemed so hard & yet.. sometimes making good changes is a hard process too. Today I’m just weary & hopeful that one day.. things will be brighter & more joyful & that I will be too..

    Thanks for this post..

    by Bonnelle on July 12th, 2017 at 1:52 pm
  2. Yes, I have changed. Some for better and some not so much. I miss parts of me & am pleased with some of my changes. Every day is a new start to me.

    by lisa on July 13th, 2017 at 2:07 am
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Is This the Kind of Marriage You Hope Your Daughter has One Day?

“A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn’t want for her daughter, nor allow any man to treat her in a way she could scold her son for.” Healthyplace.com

Julia told me that she believes her husband needs someone to be there for him, but not necessarily her. He needs a manager for his life and someone to take care of all the details, so that he could be the provider and the dad to their children; so that he can thrive in his career and feel good about himself.

When Julia really needed support as she ...continue reading...

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It’s Not (Only) About the Affair

“Cancer is that awful word we all fear when we go to the doctor…, but in that brief dark moment we hear it the world we live in and the people we share it with begin to illuminate things we did not even pay attention to.” BD Phillips

 

I wrote an article for an online publication called, My Marriage, My Affair and The Hard Lessons Learned. The article has gotten picked-up on other web sites, has provoked a lot of conversation and I even got some nasty insults sent to me as a result.

Clearly, it talks about ...continue reading...

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My Life Needed to be Blown-Up

“When your life shatters, you’re being awakened.” Martha Beck

 

Ten years ago, I was submerged in a life and a career that I thought contained all the keys to happiness, but instead was a life I wanted to escape from.

I was married to a man that was nice and kind, but not passionate or connected. I was in a career that kept me striving, but never really thriving or knowing my value.

My life was filled with all the things that looked great from the outside, but left me feeling empty and alone inside:

A four-bedroom home ...continue reading...
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My Affair is Over. Now What?

“I don’t know why we all hang onto something we know we’d be better off letting go of. It’s like we’re scared to lose what we don’t even really have. Some of us say we’d rather have something than absolutely nothing, but the truth is, to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.” Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

 

Maggie reached out to me in tears, trying to overcome the loss of a relationship with a man that she deeply loved. She shared with me that she had never felt so connected to someone and now ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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How to Heal After an Affair

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”  Jalaluddin Rumi

 

The moment when you find out your spouse has cheated on you…

Words fail to describe the gravity of how it feels.

It hits you like a ton of bricks…

You’re in shock…

You can’t breathe…

A million unanswered questions spin around and around in your mind…

Then slowly, as time passes, you begin to walk out of the shock and fog and get to a place where you want to heal the hurt. That’s the time when you’re ready to look at the cracks in ...continue reading...

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Your Sexless Marriage

“In fact, touch is one of the most forgotten languages.” Osho from “Hammer on the Rock”

A woman that I’ll refer to as Marilyn reached out to me this week and shared her story with me. She was without joy or connection in her life and in her marriage. She and her husband of 12 years have no love for one another and live essentially as roommates.

They have, however, been good co-parents together. They shuffle their three children everywhere they need to be, get their homework done and manage to get dinner on the table in one form ...continue reading...

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