I Didn’t Go Looking for an Affair

If You Keep Doing the Same Thing, You Should Expect the Same Result.

I Didn’t Go Looking for an Affair

Posts Tagged 'affair'

I Didn’t Go Looking for an Affair

“If you don’t receive love from the ones that are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.” Robert Goolrick

 

“I never intended for this to happen.”

“I never saw this coming.”

“I didn’t go looking for an affair.”

“We were just talking as friends.”

“It just happened.”

Sure there are some people that actively go looking for an affair – the next distraction, the next victim, spending hours on sites like Ashley-Madison. But those aren’t typically the people that find their way to me.

The people in my tribe find themselves in an affair ...continue reading...

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Would You Stay if Your Husband Cheated? Three Questions to Help You Decide if You Should Stay or Go.

Love doesn’t commit suicide. We have to kill it.” Diane Sollee

In our Western culture, monogamy is so widely assumed that it’s rarely even discussed before marriage. But that broad assumption that neither you nor your spouse will cheat doesn’t take away the risk of it occurring. As a matter of fact, according to The Normal Bar, one of the most extensive studies on romantic relationships ever completed, 14% of women and 26% of men admitted to having an affair.

Some will admit their cheating to their partners and other times, their partners find out on their own. Once ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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A Marriage Counseling Drawback

“Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart.” Richard Carlson

 

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this one particular scenario in my coaching practice….well……I’d have a lot of dollars:

We went to marriage counseling together a few times, but then he didn’t want to go anymore so we quit.

When a struggling couple goes to a marriage counselor, they’re placing someone in the middle of their marriage, almost as a judge to define who’s right and who’s wrong. They go in essentially defending their feelings ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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What a Shame.

“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” Khalil Gibran

He is a good man. He was raised by his grandmother and taught to be honest and responsible. He cares deeply about people, loves his children more than life itself and prioritizes relationships and experiences above things every day of the week. Plus he’s handsome, with soft blue eyes….

But he and his wife are struggling. The stress of daily life, working to pay the bills and raise a family has taken its toll on them as a ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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I Wish He Would

“What changes your world is not wishing for change; what changes your world is changing.” Jim Rohn

 

I used to be that person that would see people in the potential of who they could be, rather than who they really were. That caused me some unnecessary heartache by hanging onto relationships long past their expiration date.

I speak to women all day long that are struggling in their marriages and praying for change, expressing, I wish he would just

Be happier, Be more loving, or Communicate with me.

But wishing for him is pointless if he doesn’t want ...continue reading...

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It’s Not (Only) About the Affair

“Cancer is that awful word we all fear when we go to the doctor…, but in that brief dark moment we hear it the world we live in and the people we share it with begin to illuminate things we did not even pay attention to.” BD Phillips

 

I wrote an article for an online publication called, My Marriage, My Affair and The Hard Lessons Learned. The article has gotten picked-up on other web sites, has provoked a lot of conversation and I even got some nasty insults sent to me as a result.

Clearly, it talks about ...continue reading...

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Just Because He Lied or Cheated Doesn’t Make Him a Narcissist

“Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless.” Jeffrey Kluger

 

I don’t know if we have had an incredible increase in people with narcissistic tendencies or we simply have access to a lot more information about narcissism than ever before. It’s likely a little of both and that’s probably why the term gets tossed around more than is warranted.

But there’s a big ...continue reading...

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My Affair is Over. Now What?

“I don’t know why we all hang onto something we know we’d be better off letting go of. It’s like we’re scared to lose what we don’t even really have. Some of us say we’d rather have something than absolutely nothing, but the truth is, to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.” Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

 

Maggie reached out to me in tears, trying to overcome the loss of a relationship with a man that she deeply loved. She shared with me that she had never felt so connected to someone and now ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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There are No Guarantees in Love

“If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.” Clint Eastwood

 

Donna has been with her husband for 30 years, married 28 years. He’s all she has ever known. They have two kids together, who are now grown and building lives of their own.

Donna has been struggling in her marriage for a while, feeling incredibly lonely, but she never seriously considered leaving or trying to make it better. After all, her parents have been married for 55 years and that’s what she had always envisioned for her own life as well. This was a pain she knew…

Until ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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How to Heal After an Affair

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”  Jalaluddin Rumi

 

The moment when you find out your spouse has cheated on you…

Words fail to describe the gravity of how it feels.

It hits you like a ton of bricks…

You’re in shock…

You can’t breathe…

A million unanswered questions spin around and around in your mind…

Then slowly, as time passes, you begin to walk out of the shock and fog and get to a place where you want to heal the hurt. That’s the time when you’re ready to look at the cracks in ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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