“Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept, what your mind already knows.” Unknown
When we’re talking about surviving infidelity it’s typically in the context of: Can the betrayed relationship survive? But whether or not you choose to remain in the relationship after one or both of you have cheated, you need to survive regardless.
If you decide that you want to remain in the relationship and attempt to rebuilt trust again, obviously you will be working through the hurt and betrayal, attempting to trust again and eventually being able to forgive.
But even if you decide to ...continue reading...
“This is how dishonesty and betrayal started, not in big lies but in small secrets.” Amy Tan
One of my clients had recently learned of her husband engaging in emotional infidelity with a woman he worked alongside each day. She had been able to move past it by telling herself: It was only emotional; at least they never had sex.
One day later, I had a different client whose husband had cheated on her but it was purely physical. There was no emotional connection between them. She had made peace with it because it was only sex, void of ...continue reading...
“If you don’t receive love from the ones that are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.” Robert Goolrick
“I never intended for this to happen.”
“I never saw this coming.”
“I didn’t go looking for an affair.”
“We were just talking as friends.”
“It just happened.”
Sure there are some people that actively go looking for an affair – the next distraction, the next victim, spending hours on sites like Ashley-Madison. But those aren’t typically the people that find their way to me.
The people in my tribe find themselves in an affair ...continue reading...
“Love doesn’t commit suicide. We have to kill it.” Diane Sollee
In our Western culture, monogamy is so widely assumed that it’s rarely even discussed before marriage. But that broad assumption that neither you nor your spouse will cheat doesn’t take away the risk of it occurring. As a matter of fact, according to The Normal Bar, one of the most extensive studies on romantic relationships ever completed, 14% of women and 26% of men admitted to having an affair.
Some will admit their cheating to their partners and other times, their partners find out on their own. Once ...continue reading...
“Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart.” Richard Carlson
If I had a dollar for every time I heard this one particular scenario in my coaching practice….well……I’d have a lot of dollars:
We went to marriage counseling together a few times, but then he didn’t want to go anymore so we quit.
When a struggling couple goes to a marriage counselor, they’re placing someone in the middle of their marriage, almost as a judge to define who’s right and who’s wrong. They go in essentially defending their feelings ...continue reading...
“Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.” Khalil Gibran
He is a good man. He was raised by his grandmother and taught to be honest and responsible. He cares deeply about people, loves his children more than life itself and prioritizes relationships and experiences above things every day of the week. Plus he’s handsome, with soft blue eyes….
But he and his wife are struggling. The stress of daily life, working to pay the bills and raise a family has taken its toll on them as a ...continue reading...
“What changes your world is not wishing for change; what changes your world is changing.” Jim Rohn
I used to be that person that would see people in the potential of who they could be, rather than who they really were. That caused me some unnecessary heartache by hanging onto relationships long past their expiration date.
I speak to women all day long that are struggling in their marriages and praying for change, expressing, I wish he would just…Be happier, Be more loving, or Communicate with me.
But wishing for him is pointless if he doesn’t want ...continue reading...
“Cancer is that awful word we all fear when we go to the doctor…, but in that brief dark moment we hear it the world we live in and the people we share it with begin to illuminate things we did not even pay attention to.” BD Phillips
I wrote an article for an online publication called, My Marriage, My Affair and The Hard Lessons Learned. The article has gotten picked-up on other web sites, has provoked a lot of conversation and I even got some nasty insults sent to me as a result.
Clearly, it talks about ...continue reading...
“Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless.” Jeffrey Kluger
I don’t know if we have had an incredible increase in people with narcissistic tendencies or we simply have access to a lot more information about narcissism than ever before. It’s likely a little of both and that’s probably why the term gets tossed around more than is warranted.
But there’s a big ...continue reading...
“I don’t know why we all hang onto something we know we’d be better off letting go of. It’s like we’re scared to lose what we don’t even really have. Some of us say we’d rather have something than absolutely nothing, but the truth is, to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.” Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy
Maggie reached out to me in tears, trying to overcome the loss of a relationship with a man that she deeply loved. She shared with me that she had never felt so connected to someone and now ...continue reading...