“Sometimes our biggest mistake gives us our greatest reward.” Namita Budhiraja
I received an application today that read something like…
Our relationship has been one roller coaster ride after another. When I married him, I didn’t do it for love, I did it because he was a solid man. 1st mistake. I stayed for the kids. 2nd mistake. Now I’ve continued to stay. 3rd mistake.
What are the biggest mistakes you’ve made in your relationships?
Have you made them repeatedly in your life?
What are the mistakes you feel like you’re still making?
***
I have ...continue reading...
“Marriage flourishes when the couple works together as a team; when both husband and wife decide that winning together is more important than keeping score.” Michelle Obama
My husband Derrick came up with a sweet little phrase that has proven to be incredibly helpful for us over the years:
Team Pope
That simple two-word phrase helps us to remember that at the end of the day, we’re on the same team and that we ultimately want the same thing: a loving, connected and happy marriage.
Even when the pressures in our lives are causing more stress ...continue reading...
“Intimacy is a process of discovery with another.” Joel B. Bennett
I’ve been studying the topic of intimacy lately and I learned something really powerful that I wanted to share with you…
If you want to have a more intimate relationship, the answer may not be as much coming together as it is creating more separation.
I know…..
It’s completely counter-intuitive to everything most of us believe about intimacy. I have always thought of intimacy as a connectedness between two people, knowing one another at a deep level and feeling totally accepted in their presence. And I still ...continue reading...
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” Maya Angelou
I wasn’t trying to perform some kind of experiment on my marriage, but that’s essentially what happened. And what I learned was how to make a marriage thrive.
There was a period of about two weeks recently where I was stressed about my parents and their health, worried about my business being slow over the holidays, terrified at the thought of my husband quitting his job to start his own ...continue reading...
“If you keep examining your mind, you’ll come to see that thoughts of who you are and how it all is are creating the reality you’re experiencing.” Ram Dass
Most of the time when our marriages are struggling, we want to focus on the actions that are causing the struggle; specifically, our spouse’s actions…
But changing our own (or anyone else’s) behavior doesn’t just happen. There’s a whole series of thoughts and emotions occurring beneath the surface that no one is even talking about, but they’re what’s driving the very behaviors that we so desperately want changed in ...continue reading...
“Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart.” Richard Carlson
If I had a dollar for every time I heard this one particular scenario in my coaching practice….well……I’d have a lot of dollars:
We went to marriage counseling together a few times, but then he didn’t want to go anymore so we quit.
When a struggling couple goes to a marriage counselor, they’re placing someone in the middle of their marriage, almost as a judge to define who’s right and who’s wrong. They go in essentially defending their feelings ...continue reading...
“Adults get to behave however they want.” Brooke Castillo
My client, Maggie, has begged her husband, Joe, for years to spend more time with her. The kids are grown and off on their own now and Maggie is ready to travel more, go to concerts, art exhibits, and new restaurants. She would like to feel more connected to Joe, but keeps hitting what feels like a brick wall.
She asks him if he wants to plan a trip to the Caribbean and he says, “No, I can’t be away from work for that long.”
She buys tickets to ...continue reading...
“….ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that’s a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect.” Rob Reiner
I realized something last night:
I’ve now worked with directly and helped 100 clients in their most important and most intimate relationships:
100 people no longer struggling, questioning, spinning or hurting. 100 people who are creating relationships that feel loving again. 100 people who are living lives that feel hopeful again.100 people didn’t sound like a lot to me at first. After all, I’ve been coaching for years… until I looked at ...continue reading...
“A life lived without forgiveness is a life lived in the past.” Asa Don Brown
Sometimes in relationships we hurt one another.
When people hurt us intentionally, it’s because they’re hurting themselves. It’s only ever hurting people who intentionally hurt other people.
But mostly when other people hurt us, it’s unintentional and it’s because they didn’t really know how to do it differently and well, they screwed-up.
Sometimes when other people hurt us, they can take responsibility for what they did and apologize for doing the hurt caused. But let’s be honest…most people cannot do that…
They can’t ...continue reading...
“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.” Joseph Campbell
How many books have you read seeking answers for your marriage?
How many therapists have you sought out?
How many Facebook groups have you joined?
How many friends have you confided in hoping they could provide you an answer you could face?
How many nights have you lied awake scrolling through article after article looking for something that resonates, something that could make the difference in your struggling marriage?
My client, Lori, had been feeling disconnected from her husband for years. At first she ...continue reading...
