Is Your Marriage Surviving on Leftovers?

“Don’t settle for average. Bring your best to the moment.” Angela Bassett

 

My client, Tracey, is a successful real estate agent – which is to say she spends her days running around like her hair is on fire: answering client texts, getting inspections scheduled, appraisals completed, offers made, and showings booked.

But that’s not all…

She also has three kids between the ages of 7 – 15, so she also carves out time for shuttling the kids to their activities, sleepovers, dance rehearsals and sporting events, and getting them ready to go back to school.

As you can imagine, by the time her head hits her pillow at night, she is ready to absolutely collapse.

Maybe you can relate…

Her husband, Jeremy, runs a successful property management and construction company so he begins his workday around 6:00 am and by the time he gets home around 7:00 pm, he’s exhausted and all he wants to do is chill-out in front of the TV for a bit of mindless amusement, drink a scotch, eat dinner and go to bed so that he can get up the next day to do it all again.

Tracey is feeling disconnected from her husband and has been feeling resentful towards Jeremy for not helping to make her life a bit easier. Jeremy gets irritated when the minute he walks through the door, he feels nagged to do all the things around the house that need to be completed and unappreciated for all that he has done.

Their relationship is – of course – suffering because it’s surviving on leftovers.

Tracey’s clients get her best.

Jeremy’s business gets his best.

Their kids get the best versions of both Tracey and Jeremy.

The relationship gets what’s left over… which isn’t much.

They’re not talking or connecting…who has time for that?

They sleep on opposite sides of the same bed, inches apart but feeling miles away from one another…who has the energy for sex or even cuddling after a day like that?

They’re certainly not spending time alone or having fun together.

So, here’s the question:

Who is getting your best?

Your boss? Your clients? Your kids? Your aging parents? Your business?

What if instead of leaving the relationship to only get what’s left over at the end of any given day, we actually started the day giving our spouse our top 10%, and everyone else gets to divide up the remaining 90%? How would that one mental shift in a re-prioritization of your time, attention and energy change the dynamic between the two of you?

My guess is that your work and the kids wouldn’t feel short-changed at all. They probably wouldn’t even notice. If anything, I’ll bet they feel even more valued by you because the way you’re now showing-up when you’re with them is being fueled by a loving, secure and supported connection with your spouse.

You marriage cannot exist forever on leftovers. Surviving on leftovers will only leave you with a deep unmet hunger.

I want to hear from you. Let me know in the comments who’s been getting your best?

Is that how you want to keep doing it?