How My Marriage Kept Me Stuck in My Wounds

 “After age seven, 95% of our life is based on the programs we downloaded in the first seven years. 70% of those programs are limiting and disempowering.”  Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D 

We all have wounds that we carry, although most of the wounds are unconscious to us for much of our lives. We only become aware of them when we find ourselves in enough pain that we’re forced to face and heal them.

My wounds were:

  • To be loved and accepted, I had to be the “good girl.” I had to do what was expected of me.
  • In order to feel safe, I had to be strong. To be strong meant keeping others at a distance and not relying on anyone besides myself.

These wounds led me to living a life that looked picture-perfect from the outside, but felt like a complete lie from the inside. These wounds ultimately led me to be strong, but also incredibly lonely.

Unconsciously, we fall into patterns that feel familiar to us – even when they’re painful. It’s like a pain we come to know so well that we don’t notice that anything is wrong.

Additionally, we mostly choose relationships that will support and perpetuate our existing wounds so that we don’t have to grow; growth is uncomfortable.

Here’s how this played out in my life:

  • I went into marketing because I knew I could make a good income (when my heart really wanted to be an interior designer, a dancer or a songwriter).
  • I married the nice, safe, good guy so that I would never be hurt and my family would approve.
  • I wore the pants in that relationship and never relied on him, which created both distance and disrespect.
  • I remained in the same religion as my entire family because well…that’s what was expected (not because I understood it or agreed with it).
  • I had lots of friends that were more like acquaintances to me because I wouldn’t get too close. If I did, they might see past the facade.

We all wait to face and heal our wounds until we are forced to do so; until we’re in so much emotional pain, there’s no other option.

I wish it wasn’t that way.

I wish we could see our wounds clearly and make conscious choices for ourselves about how they’re either helping or hurting us.

But sadly, it’s human nature to not face the hard stuff of life until we’re forced to.

It’s why I didn’t really discover who I was until everything around me that was a lie (supporting the good girl image) began to crumble.

It’s why most of us don’t get serious about making changes inside a struggling marriage until it’s nearly too late.

If you feel like things are crumbling around you…and you fear maybe it’s too late to fix the struggles inside your marriage, I can help.
I can help you make sense of what’s happening and what you really desire.
I can help you get clear about whether or not you can create that in your marriage or if it’s time to lovingly release it.

It won’t be about putting the crumbling pieces back together. Our work will be about seeing if those pieces can be formed into something new that honors who you really are and what you really want.

How My Marriage Kept Me Stuck in My Wounds