“One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing to walk away or try harder.” Ziad K. Abdelnour
Some really interesting things happen when I share my story in a public way.
Many women step forward and say, “Me too; that’s my story. I also was in a marriage where there was very little connection or passion.” It’s a beautiful gift to know that we’re not alone and that whatever we’re going through, someone else out there has also had that experience.
But many women also tentatively approach me seeking an answer to their very personal relationship question, “Should I stay or should I go?”
I think it’s natural for people seeking answers to come to someone who’s been through it and who has found happiness and peace in their lives as a sign of hope for themselves. I’m glad that I can provide that light, but simply drawing the conclusion that I left my marriage and now I’m suddenly happier than I’ve ever been minimizes the experience I needed to endure and the lessons I needed to learn over several years in order to find that happiness and peace for myself.
In the spirit of telling the truth, there are 3 myths that I commonly share with women considering leaving a relationship:
Myth #1: I have no baggage.
Although it’s easier to place the blame on our partner, we played some role in that relationship’s demise. Maybe we didn’t communicate what we needed; maybe we didn’t treat ourselves with enough respect and tolerated more than we should have; maybe we simply weren’t honest with our self or our partner. Whatever it is, we need to identify, acknowledge and heal that wound so that baggage doesn’t get carried into the next relationship, perpetuating the pain.
Myth #2: As the one that’s leaving, I get to escape the pain.
It is a common misunderstanding that if we’re the one that leaves that we get to escape all the pain and hurt associated with a break-up. After all, “we asked for this…didn’t we?” Unfortunately, none of us arise from the ashes of a broken relationship unscathed. There will be regrets, there will be guilt, there may be loneliness and potentially some shame to work through. This decision will impact the children, the extended family and our friends will feel like they have to choose sides. And if we are the initiator of the separation, we will also likely be “the bad guy” or the one that’s easiest to blame.
Myth #3: I’ll find someone that will make me happy.
After a break-up, it’s a common misconception that the antidote to our unhappiness is simply to find someone new. “Once I find love again, then I’ll be happy.” But my friend, we are the only ones who can give the gift of happiness to ourselves. Your ex couldn’t make you happy and you next partner won’t be able to make you happy either, because happiness can only come from within. You may find the love of your life after a break-up, but not likely until you’ve fallen madly in love with yourself first.
Obviously, I cannot answer the very personal question of “Should I stay or should I go?” for anyone else, as everyone’s journey is their own and there is a divine timing to it all.
But as a life coach, I can tell my clients the truth about my own experience and help guide them to the answer that’s inside of them for their lives. I can support them and help them to move on with their lives after a break-up. And no matter what the answer is to the most difficult questions of our lives, we’re always supported.
Tell the Truth. Show up in Love. Live in Freedom.