What We Think, We Create.
The relationship you currently have is a result of your thoughts. A result of what you are putting your attention on daily.
I know, it sounds like that crazy manifesting stuff, but most of the time, whatever we are focusing on is what shows up in our life. Look at your relationship. When your marriage is struggling, you typically look at all the things that are wrong. All the things you are not getting. All of things your wife is not doing.
You look at all of the actions she is not taking:
She is not calling during the day, she is not including me in her plans, she does not ask me for my opinion with the kids, she does not ask for me help, she does not act like she loves me, she does not touch me.
If she would just do this, then I would feel better.
We think that if the action was different , then things would be different. But this is not how it works. The action is not the problem. There are all these underlying emotions that are actually driving the behaviors we want to change.
The thing is, our thoughts are creating emotions within us, and those emotions are what actually drive our behaviors. Those feelings drive our actions and what we do or do not do. These choices are what we create in our lives and our marriages.
IF we look at our marriages and start to dig into the pain and unhappiness we are feeling, we will find that our thoughts are creating the exact thing we do not want. If we really want to create change, we have to start at the core. We have to start with our thoughts.
Here is an example. If you think “it is never going to change”, “I have tried everything”, or “we have done this before and it did nothing”, you are going to feel defeated, sad, maybe hopeless.
Feeling this way, you are likely to not try, and shut down. You probably will not notice any effort your wife is making and the distance grows. The disconnection continues and gets deeper. Things do not get better.
Thought: “This isn’t going to work. It will never change.”
Emotion: Defeat, hopelessness, despair
Action: shut down, don’t speak, give up
Result: less connection, more distance
No wonder things do not feel better and it is not improving. There are many things in our life we cannot change, but we CAN change our thoughts. When we do, it can change our emotions , and our actions, and we can see a different result.
If you want to learn more about how you can change your thoughts and do things differently in your marriage, book a complimentary Exploratory session with me. Let’s see if we are a good fit to work together and start creating change for yourself and your marriage.