Someone Has to Take the Lead
When a relationship is struggling, it’s easy to sit back and wait for the other person to change to make it better. But it’s not an effective strategy because it very rarely happens. So the problems continue to worsen, the resentments mount and the disconnection between you widens.
It takes only one person to make a difference. I know we’ve been told that both people have to be working on fixing the problems in our marriages at the same time, but that’s not true.
When we’re in a relationship, we impact one another, we react to one another. When your wife is light-hearted and being funny, it is easy to react with the same light-heartedness. And when she’s stressed or upset we tend to maybe be short or pull back. We respond to one another. So, when one of us acts differently, it has a ripple effect in the relationship and how we engage with one another.
You may think that you alone cannot make a difference in your marriage, but you can. When you change how you engage with your partner, his or her reaction to you will also change.
We all resist change. It is human nature to resist change. The only time we’re genuinely willing to get uncomfortable enough to change the way we think, or behave and choose a different path is when we reach a state of crisis. We have to be in a great deal of pain before we’re willing to go through the discomfort of doing it differently. This is why most couples don’t seek help for their relationship until it’s on the ropes and almost too late.
Waiting on your partner to change so that your relationship can feel better likely isn’t going to happen – at least not unless or until you’re already in crisis. Maybe one partner leaves or there’s infidelity because that’s the point in the relationship where both are willing to do it differently.
Your spouse isn’t going to magically wake-up one day and engage with you differently. And you don’t want to create a crisis situation to try to manipulate your partner’s behavior. But you can choose to change how you engage in your marriage before it ever requires a state of crisis. Someone has to take the lead.
Someone has to do it. Take the lead because someone has to do it and it might as well be you. I know, I know……..I hear you saying, “Why should I do all the work? It always me. That’s not fair.”
I get it. But without anyone stepping forward and taking the lead, change is unlikely.
The other important reason for you to be the one to take the lead and create the necessary change in your marriage is because you’re likely the one that wants change. You want the relationship to feel better, you want the two of you spending more time together and communicating more. Be willing to be the one that is willing to take the necessary steps forward for yourself, for your own happiness and for your marriage.
When things aren’t going well in our marriages it may be easier to sit back and wait for our partners to change so that we can feel better about the relationship, but it’s completely ineffective. Instead, take the lead. Create change in your marriage. Get equipped with new insights and tools that help you to engage with one another differently. Know that you, and you alone, can make all the difference so the marriage can feel good again for both of you.