We all know the old saying “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side”, and this is a topic that comes up a lot with my clients. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
Usually someone will ask me something like “what if it isn’t better with someone else” or “maybe I am being foolish thinking it will be different with someone else”. The other question that I hear frequently is “what if I am just trading one set of problems for another?”
So here is the thing. If we are talking about what we will call the little annoyances, things your wife does that are just kind of irritating, then you will likely trade those simple annoyances for other simple annoyances. That is not a reason to blow up a relationship, though.
Is it possible that the grass is greener? Absolutely. Just don’t throw around the phrase of am I trading in one set of problems for another. Why? Because every woman is flawed. Every man is flawed. We are all trying to figure out relationships but no one’s given us the tools we need.
If your wife hasn’t kissed you in months or touched you in years are you trading one problem for another? When there’s an argument and she turns it around so that it’s always your fault are you trading one problem for another? When you need to have a difficult conversation and she stonewalls you for days, are you trading in one problem for another? When she belittles you and puts you down, makes you feel bad about yourself, what you need and how you love, are you trading one problem for another? I don’t think so. I don’t think you are trading in one thing for another. If you leave this woman that you are not in love with anymore to go find the kind of love that feels really good to your soul, you are not looking for greener grass or trading one problem for another.
When we talk about trading in one set of problems for another and we are talking about big stuff, it is different. As you know, grass is greener where you tend to it. BUT- that does not meant that you overlook years of abuse and bad behavior and keep watering your own grass.
So, if you fertilize the grass, if you take care of the grass, it’ll be greener but now that might mean something new for you. Maybe it means that you need to approach the next one differently than you approached this one. Maybe that means no longer overlooking the things that you’ve overlooked in this relationship. Maybe it means that you wait to see if the seeds that you planted start to grow. Maybe it means getting the tools you need to be able to determine if it is time to let go.