I was talking with a friend recently who has been single for quite some time now after a divorce from his wife of 8 years. He was telling me about dates he has been on, women he has met, and how he just can’t seem to find anyone he is interested in. He said “I would like to have someone in my life, but there just isn’t anyone out there.” He asked me if I thought he was “damaged”, or if he “just wasn’t capable of being in a relationship” any more.
I said, “I think that there is a part of you that genuinely wants to have a loving relationship, but there is another part of you – a stronger part of you – that does not want that. If that weren’t absolutely true…you would have it by now.”
Whatever it is we are experiencing in our lives, we have because we are CHOOSING it, either consciously or unconsciously.
Yes, whatever we are experiencing, we are actually choosing on some level.
It does not matter if it’s something we view as either positive or negative. If the larger, louder, stronger part of us wasn’t choosing that, it wouldn’t be our experience.
Even if we intellectually believe that we want something but we don’t yet have the experience of it in our lives, there is a part of ourselves that actually DOESN’T want the outcome. And that part of ourselves is the one that is driving our experiences.
Let’s say you want to have a relationship that feels strong and loving, but what you actually have is far from that in your marriage. There is a part of you that actually doesn’t want that…
This hard truth – that we’re either intentionally or unintentionally choosing the experience we’re having in our lives – is both irritating and empowering.
You get to choose how to view this information:
I’m right here if you’re ready. Schedule your exploratory session with me now.