“There’s a real sense of freedom—for both you and your partner—when you no longer make him or her responsible for your happiness.” Sharon Pope, Am I in the Wrong Marriage?
Most of us live pretty conditional lives. We’re happy when things are going our way, when we feel really connected to the people in our lives. When our husbands can’t be who we need them to be, we can sometimes bring a more controlling energy to the relationship. We try to convince, to badger, to fight, to reason with him—all varying and fruitless attempts to get him to change, which only makes him shut down. The more we push, the further away he gets.
Over time, the disconnection in our marriages grows wider.
Over time, the loneliness we feel in our hearts grows deeper.
Until, eventually, we’re so unhappy and disconnected that the pain is causing us to wake up and answer the question Am I in the wrong marriage?
But maybe that’s not the right question.
Maybe the better question is, Where have I made my partner responsible for my happiness?
Imagine a relationship in which each of you take responsibility for your own happiness and neither of you need to do or be or become anything other than what you are.
Imagine a relationship in which no matter what your partner does or doesn’t do, you’re going to choose to be happy.
Imagine a relationship in which you’re not there out of obligation or because you’re trapped, but because when you wake up every morning there is no one else you’d rather walk beside.
There’s a real sense of freedom—for both you and your partner—when you no longer make him or her responsible for your happiness.
If you can love your partner just how they are, then you can stay in the marriage and see if you can find a new path to love together, a path where you’re the only person responsible for your happiness.
But if you can only be happy if your partner goes through some massive changes, then I think you have your answer.
Tell the Truth. Show up in Love. Live in Freedom.