“A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal himself or herself to you, to tell you who they are or what they want.” David Whyte
When our marriages are struggling, it can be terrifying to attempt to talk to our partners about those struggles.
Where do we begin? What do we say? What will the reaction be? Am I making it worse?
And no one enjoys any conversation that begins with “We need to talk.”
Here’s a marriage tool that is MUCH easier that makes these conversations so much easier:
You and your husband can have a monthly State of the Union Conversation.
For example, let’s say on the last Sunday of every month, the two of you go out together for a boozy brunch and that’s the place for each of you to share how you’re feeling in the relationship, what’s working for you and what’s not working for you. (It has to be something fun and not like setting a monthly apt for a dental cleaning.)
This marriage tool provides an easier on-ramp to these difficult conversations because you’re both prepared for it.
One of my clients, Samatha, is employing this in her marriage now. They’ve gotten out of the “danger zone” in their marriage and are feeling more connected again, but she doesn’t want to end up back where they were again a few months from now. Falling back into old patterns as life gets busy is very easy to do, so we need to tend to it.
Another client Pam is currently struggling in her marriage and she’s using it as a tool to navigate the struggle and come to a point of clarity for herself. Rather than tormenting herself with trying to come to a stay or go decision virtually all day every day, she is able to pay attention to how the relationship is changing or not changing throughout the month and then have a transparent and comprehensive conversation with her husband only once a month. She told me it has calmed her anxiety about this tremendously.
And maybe you’re one of those magical couples who is blissfully happy right now (congrats!) …you don’t have to wait until the marriage is in crisis before giving it your attention as a couple on a regular basis. This marriage tool is for you as well.