“You cannot have a happy ending to an unhappy journey.” Abraham-Hicks
Yesterday I was interviewed by Jim Masters, a successful TV and Radio Personality and Host of CUTV News and we talked about the only way to create real change in troubled relationships.
The 30 minute interview went quickly and the conversation was fun and easy. But my insight came after the interview was over and we were just talking.
He was telling me about a conversation he was having with a friend who had achieved a great deal of success in life by almost anyone’s standards; it was one of those deep conversations that lasted until 5 AM. His friend shared his deepest fear:
I fear total, complete, utter success. I don’t fear what it takes to do the work to achieve success. I fear getting to the pinnacle and realizing that it’s not what I thought it would be. I fear the disappointment, emptiness and loneliness that might make me ask, “Is that it?”
Here’s my takeaway as it relates to our most important relationships:
We enter our marriages with the best of intentions and we typically have an idea in our minds about what the marriage will look like and feel like over the years. When our reality doesn’t match that expectation, we can feel disappointed, empty, and alone.
But if we created that initial expectation, and we’re constantly evolving, growing and changing, possibly it’s time to adjust our expectations of what we want in our marriages and how we want to feel. (I’m not implying here that we should lower our expectations, but rather adjust them for who you are now, which is likely a very different person than when you were the day you married.)
I actually don’t agree with what his friend said.
There is no finish line.
The work and evolution in our relationships is never fully complete. Our own work and evolution is never complete.
We never stop reaching for the next desire.
And success in our marriages has far less to do with making it until death do us part, than it does to enjoy the journey.
It’s the journey. It’s the journey. It’s the journey.
And there is no happy ending to an unhappy journey.
If you’re not enjoying the journey, it’s time to make a shift. Either do the work to make it feel good again or acknowledge that maybe this relationship is complete.