“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful.” Paulo Coelho
The thought of staying feels hopeless, but the thought of leaving and breaking up my family is terrifying.
I’ve heard this in various ways probably hundreds of times over the years of doing this relationship work. And every time I hear a woman speak those words to me, I can feel the amount of pain she’s enduring. It’s a place of genuine confusion. It’s the place of feeling stuck and lost. Confusion and indecision feel horrible.
In business, confusion is an indulgence. For instance, if I say I’m confused about my marketing strategy, it’s really just a way for me to not have to take action and try something new. It’s a way for me to hide. I’ll never really succeed, but I’ll also never really fail. And I will justify my inaction with the story that I’m…confused. Stuck. Undecided.
Would you agree that if I take no action in my business – regardless of the reason – I won’t ever move my business forward?
What if that principle is also true in our struggling relationships?
If I take no new action, my marriage never changes or improves.
If I never really try to make it work, I never know for sure that leaving would be the best next step.
If I remain stuck in confusion and indecision, I will never truly succeed (create a healthy, loving, lasting relationship), but I also will never fail (marriage ends).
One of my business coaches once told me that we’re either succeeding or learning, (rather than succeeding vs failing). I like thinking about it like that because it makes me braver. The minute I take a new approach, it either works and is successful or I learn what didn’t work so that I can adjust my approach and do better the next time. Either way, it’s forward progress.
If you take a step forward, any step forward, you will either succeed or learn. And either of those options I promise you feel better than stuck in confusion and indecision. What if you could actually feel hopeful again?