“Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realise that nothing really belongs to them.” -Paulo Coelho
Stacy’s affair of three years just ended. She’s heartbroken. She had been holding out hope that one day, they could be together. But he grew tired of waiting for that day and made the decision for himself that he needed to end the relationship.
So now Stacy is still inside her marriage mourning the loss of her affair.
Her husband has no idea she’s been having an affair, so she’s trying hard to pretend that she is okay and everything is fine. But when we speak, she is clearly not okay.
While she understands his decision to end it, she is shattered.
She’s not sleeping well.
She’s not eating and has lost at least ten pounds.
She cries every day.
She’s judging herself for being the woman that would cheat in the first place.
She’s judging herself for not doing what it would have taken to leave, before he gave up.
She’s feeling like now she has no other option but to remain in the marriage, unhappy, unseen and unappreciated forever.
And through her tears she kept repeating, “I just want him back. I want him back.”
That wasn’t going to happen. He was very clear that – no matter what she did now – he wasn’t coming back.
But people aren’t possessions.
Just because we love someone does not make him or her our possession. They’re not “ours.”
They are their own individual soul on their own journey through this life.
Sometimes we find something beautiful together.
And sometimes, beautiful experiences evolve or come to an end.
They can stay with us. They can alter or change the nature of the relationship they have with us. They can choose something or someone else. And we can’t control any of it.
Love isn’t treating someone as though they’re our possession.
Love isn’t hanging on tightly so you can feel safe.
That’s not love, that’s prison.
Love is acknowledging that everyone has absolute freedom to create their own experiences.
And the only things that actually belong to me, reside within me.
Are you ready to get clarity about your marriage? Are you finally ready to get clear about whether to stay or go and how to be in relationship with people where it doesn’t lead to heartbreak?