“People aren’t attached to people, they’re attached to their beliefs.” Byron Katie
The marriage hadn’t been healthy from the start…
They argued a lot, often talking over one another.
They stopped having sex unless they both had several cocktails first.
They hurt one another over the years:
He had made lots of changes to try to win her back, but the emotional immaturity didn’t magically change.
She had made a lot of changes, but the attraction for him didn’t magically return.
Although much of the dysfunction between them was still present, she still cried at the thought of ending the marriage. When we dove into why it was still so painful for her to consider, what we realized was that it wasn’t about losing him; it was about losing her family.
You see, she (like most of us) had a very strict definition of what a family looked like: A husband and a wife and the kids, all living under the same roof together.
The nature of their relationship as a couple would change if they chose to get a divorce, but there’s no reason she had to lose her family in the process.
That re-frame opened her mind and frankly, stopped her suffering.
She was now better able to make a stay or go decision without the painful thought that she would lose her family if she made a decision to change the nature of her relationship with her husband.
That’s what it means to come to clarity in your mind and heart.
If you’re ready for your own clarity – knowing whether your answer for your marriage and your life is to stay or go, then I’d love to help you get there.