How Do You Know When Your Marriage is Over?

“Knowing when to walk away, is wisdom. Being able to, is courage. Walking away with grace, and your head held high is dignity.” Ritu Ghatourey

 

By the time people find their way to my work, they’ve typically been struggling in their marriages for years, sometimes decades. But how do you know when your marriage is over?

There are probably gazillions of articles written that will give you the three most common attributes in a relationship that are tell-tale signs that your marriage is over (or should be over, in the writer’s opinion).

I don’t think that’s helpful at all.

As a matter of fact, I bet someone along the way – someone who you may even love and respect – told you that you should leave the marriage. But you haven’t left yet….

Want to know why?

Because someone else’s opinion, while interesting, does not bring clarity for you.

Someone else can only tell you their answer for your life; it would be impossible for them to tell you your answer for your life.

And you will not take action in one way or the other until you have your answer.

How do you know when your marriage is over? I think this is such an intensely personal decision that there are no hard and fast rules that work for every person on the planet, 100% of the time.

I have a client right now that is navigating repeated infidelity and not being truthful over several years …and yet she’s still standing there beside her husband. She still loves him and believes they can be happy together.

I have another client right now that knows for certain that her husband is a good man and a dear friend, but will never be a partner and lover for her. She knows for sure what she wants in a marriage and she knows this relationship cannot ever be that. It’s not a simple or easy answer, but she knows her marriage is over.

Lots of marriages survive undeniable hardships. And still lots of marriages that appear to be fine come to an end, as was the case in my own first marriage.

The only universal circumstance of how do you know when your marriage is over, as far as I can tell, is when one person no longer wants to be in the relationship. Relationships require both people to want to be there, so when one leaves for good, the relationship is essentially over.

Everything else comes down to a very personal decision and an internal knowing that you can feel and trust.

If you’re ready to get that level of clarity for yourself – can the marriage be fixed or is the marriage over – then maybe we should talk to see if there’s a fit for you and I to work together. Just click the button to your left to learn more about the work I do with my clients and apply for your own complimentary Truth & Clarity Session.