We Have High Expectations for Our Marriages

“Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.” Brandon Sanderson

 

Marriage began as a means to increase wealth and power for a family. Men would choose the woman to marry based upon her ability to birth and raise children as heirs to the family’s land and wealth.

It didn’t have anything to do with love or passion.

As a matter of fact, men typically would find love and passion with their mistresses.

But now, our partners and our marriages carry an enormous amount of responsibility:

We expect our partners to be our best friend, our closest confidant and our safe place to be loved without conditions.

Simultaneously, we expect our partners to be the source of limitless passion, deepest connection and spontaneous adventure.

We expect them to be our lovers and our partners, our singular source of both security and desire.

And with expectations like that, no wonder most couples aren’t feeling fulfilled in their marriages.

We don’t have to lower our expectations.

Nor do we have to suppress our desires.

But it does mean that we could open ourselves to the possibility of not needing one person to be the single source through which every greatest need and deepest desire is met.

I am fortunate enough to have a friendship that provides me unconditional love and acceptance.

I have a business that provides me with plenty of challenge, growth and intellectual stimulation.

And my community of strong, powerful women fill me with laughter, while I have a team of talented professionals around me to help me feel supported.

My husband has a very important job: He gives me someone to love.

Probably two decades ago, I read a fun, cheeky book called The Sweet Potato Queens’ Book of Love: A Fallen Southern Belle’s Look at Love, Life, Men, Marriage and Being Prepared. Outside of laughing a lot while reading it, I only remember one thing from the book. There are five men you must have in your life at all times:

  1. A man you can dance with…
  2. A man you can laugh with…
  3. A man who can fix things…
  4. A man who can pay for things…
  5. And a man you can have great sex with.

Just don’t expect to get all those things, however, from the same man 🙂