“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.” Brené Brown
I received a message from a client who was really struggling with a lot of self-blame and regret associated with her relationship that recently ended.
After some distance from the relationship, she could see more objectively how she fell back into some fear-based patterns, and when she began feeling insecure, she did what many people do.
Now don’t get me wrong…This wasn’t a good relationship or a good man, in my opinion. He gave her plenty of reasons to feel insecure and fearful. She didn’t want the relationship back, but she was beating herself up and wanting to find her way through that with some more compassion for herself.
When you find yourself in a self-blame and shame spiral, you can self-soothe, which is actually pretty easy to do.
You just speak to yourself more gently, like you would your daughter or something that you loved dearly. You speak to yourself in a kind and gentle manner, so you can feel better and find more compassion for yourself.
That took me maybe 2 minutes to write. It would probably only take you 1 minute to read it to yourself. It doesn’t take long, and it’s not complicated.
But if we don’t get intentional about being more gentle with ourselves, that inner mean girl will take the wheel and drive you through some pretty hurtful and judgmental neighborhoods.
If you find yourself struggling with some self-blame and regret, as well as shame regarding a relationship, give this tool a try to make your way to a softer place.
You’re doing the best you can.