Difficult Conversations Will Be Uncomfortable

“Difficult conversations will be uncomfortable for a few hours, but that’s better than a lifetime of second-guessing, regret or disconnection.” -Me

 

Every once in a while, someone will reach out to me and offer a suggestion that I masque the subject lines in my emails about struggling marriages just in case their husband might see it and begin asking questions.

Here’s my typical response:

I am intentionally discreet with all the book and course descriptions that go onto credit card statements for that very reason. That’s why a credit card statement from me will never read as, Should I Stay or Should I Go?

When someone gives me their email address to deliver the books or courses they ordered, that’s where I deliver those items to and that’s how I share information and helpful relationship insights and tools.

You will never get an email from me with the subject line, “My Best Oatmeal Cookie Recipe.”

First of all, no one would ever open it, because you should never take baking advice from someone who doesn’t enjoy baked goods. Plus, if you’re going to eat cookies, how could you not choose chocolate chip?? #rulestoliveby

Also, it would be both confusing and misleading.

So you can turn off notifications for emails, you can unsubscribe from the list or if your husband ever asks you can say you don’t know how or why you’re getting those emails (which happens to all of us…maybe you’re also getting an email offer for a $49 drone every single day like me??? ugh….).

All that being said, maybe it is time to address the real issue.

My hunch is there is a lot that is going unsaid in your relationship that needs to be expressed. By the time people find their way to my work, things have become pretty bad in the marriage. The idea isn’t to come to a decision in a vacuum and then surprise our husbands with that decision, taking him completely off-guard and when it’s become too late for anything to change.

If my husband had one foot out the door, I would want to know that…frankly, as one-half of this relationship, I think I would deserve to know that.

So maybe it’s time we give more focused attention to what’s not being said between you that so desperately needs to be communicated than what is being expressed in random email subject lines.

If you’re at the point where you’re struggling in the relationship enough to consider the option of leaving your marriage, your partner needs to know that. A decade ago, I gave up on my own first marriage, but I never told my husband. We drifted further and further apart until the distance between us became too wide to cross and ending it seemed like the only possible answer.

Don’t do that.

Be loving enough to tell him the truth.

Be brave enough to have the difficult conversations. Difficult conversations will be uncomfortable for a few hours, but that’s better than a lifetime of second-guessing, regret or disconnection.