“Inner peace begins the moment you choose to not allow another person or event to control your emotions.” Pema Chödrön
Here’s something you may not know about me: I am horrible at arguing.
I used to be good at it. I used to grab the biting and hurtful comments with ease. I used to use sarcasm as a passive-aggressive way to get my point across.
But I’ve grown up since then and now I am far more interested in keeping my peace than I am in winning an argument.
So when someone comes at me with lots of anger or irritation; I don’t engage.
And because this usually happens through email or text (because most people don’t have the emotional maturity or courage to pick up the phone), I won’t even read or attempt to absorb any of it. I just close the message and get back in my own business.
If I don’t give them an opposing view to push against, is there even an argument?
If it takes at least 2 people to create an argument and I don’t engage, is there even an argument?
If I let them keep their opinion without attempting to prove them wrong by arguing my point, is there even an argument?
When and if they’re ready to have an open, honest and calm conversation about the topic, I’m glad to engage.
Hmmmmm……maybe I’m better at arguing now that I thought.
Next time, someone attempts to draw you into their madness and wants to argue with you, practice disengagement. Get back in your business. Keep your peace.
Arguing doesn’t work:
Each person gets too tied to their perspective and is unable to see yours.
The more you blame, the more they deflect.
The louder you raise your voice, the less they will listen.
And in the midst of an argument, especially with a bunch of yelling, they can’t hear you anyway.
Choosing peace is a gift you give to yourself.