Stuck in Indecision: Stay or Go?

How Can I Possibly Leave a Good Man?

How Can I Possibly Leave a Good Man?

 “The simplest kind of decision is binary.” E.J.W. Barber I have seen this behavior thousands of times… “He’s a good man…”“He’s a good father…”“Everyone loves him…” When we’re struggling inside of...

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Why Can’t I Love My Husband Again?

Why Can’t I Love My Husband Again?

“The first secret to getting what you want is knowing what you want.” Arthur D. Hlavaty Years ago, I had a coach ask me: “Do you want it? Or do you just want to want it?” That one question floored...

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Your Familiar Discomfort

Your Familiar Discomfort

“Familiar discomfort feels the same as comfort.” Brianna Wiest Rebecca showed up on one of the Truth & Clarity calls my team member Rachelle hosts.  She shared the deep challenges she’s...

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“I am so, so tired.”

“I am so, so tired.”

“One of the quickest ways to become exhausted is by suppressing your feelings.” Bill Vaughan “I am so tired. I am tired of just existing. I am tired of feeling like I’m not a priority. I am tired of...

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When resentment turns into entitlement

When resentment turns into entitlement

“Unexpressed emotions never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” - Sigmund Freud “I haven’t felt connected to my husband for almost two years and I feel like I’m...

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The Purpose of Guilt

The Purpose of Guilt

“Guilt is there to punish and protect us.” - Mastin Kipp One of the emotions that will keep women struggling in disconnected marriages stuck in indecision about whether to stay or go is guilt. Guilt...

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Why you’re still struggling…

Why you’re still struggling…

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.”  John Assaraf If you’ve been struggling in your marriage for a long time, there’s a reason why. If you’ve been following my...

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NO ONE is meant to be controlled…

NO ONE is meant to be controlled…

“I know it’s a hard lesson to learn, but you cannot love yourself and love someone who hurts you at the same time. Please choose you.” Stephanie Bennett-Henry My client’s husband is controlling. She...

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I’m monitoring everything he does…

I’m monitoring everything he does…

“Surveillance rarely breeds trust.” Esther Perel Joannie found out about her husband’s affair with a co-worker six weeks ago, and ever since, it’s been an emotional roller-coaster.  He’s saying all...

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COVID Has Been Hard on Marriages

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” Hans Selye For over a year, we’ve all been forced into very close proximity with our spouses. And only those in our immediate family or...

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A Crowded Marriage

“Again and again he cheated on her. Every time she forgives thinking he would do it not again.” Jaspal Virdi When there’s been infidelity inside of a marriage, a lot of people might assume that most...

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Setting a Boundary (in the Name of Love)

“Beware of the people who make you think you’re holding a grudge when you’re really holding a boundary.” Mel Robbins  Setting healthy boundaries isn’t something that we learned how to do. Certainly...

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Are You in a Lonely Marriage?

 “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.” 2009 film, 'World’s Greatest Dad' One of...

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What Do You REALLY Want?

 “Desire is possibility seeking expression.” Ralph Waldo Emerson A couple of weeks ago, I talked about getting clear about your desires. This is so important. Because, as women, we were never really...

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I Don’t Want to Lose My Family

“People aren’t attached to people, they’re attached to their beliefs.” Byron Katie My client, K., had been married for nearly 20 years and she had two boys, ages 15 and 9. The marriage hadn’t been...

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Being Ready to Create Change in Your Life

“Just because it’s not happening right now doesn’t mean it never will.” Daniell Koepke Have you ever wondered why some of the clients I speak about are able to make a decision about their lonely and...

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Will These Changes Last?

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old but on building the new.” Socrates My client L. and I have been working together for nine weeks and even though she had been...

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I Can’t Do That to Him

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” Brené Brown One of the pervasive thoughts that keep women stuck in indecision is that...

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Maybe Now Is the Perfect Time

“Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.” Zoey Sayward For sure our holidays look and feel very different this year than in years past. We’re not traveling like we...

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How Do I Know Whether to Stay or Go?

“It is not impermanence that makes us suffer. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.” - Nhat Hanh Women often find their way to my work when the problems inside...

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The Silent Contract Between You Two

"No one is angrier than someone doing the “right thing” and secretly wishing for something else." - James Hollis Jill and Barry are going to cross their 16th wedding anniversary soon. But she...

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What Are We Arguing About?

“Only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth, and that is not speaking.” - Naomi Wolf One of my clients came downstairs and picked a fight with her husband about how messy the...

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Why Divorce Should ALWAYS Be an Option

“The vow, ‘till death do us part, is killing our marriages.” Sharon Pope I know...I know….it’s blasphemy. Divorce talk from a relationship coach? (Insert gasp here…) But wait, there’s more...

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What’s the Worst That Will Happen?

“When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction.” Peter Bromberg Maybe you’ve been avoiding having a difficult conversation with your spouse. Maybe...

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Waiting for Change

It was about this time last year that my client, Suzanne, was waiting for her daughter to graduate before confronting her husband about his affair. She didn’t want that drama impacting her...

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Why Is Marriage So Hard? – Part Two

Why is marriage so hard? Why do my needs never get met? Will things ever change? I’ve been learning everything I possibly can about the differences between men and women so that we can begin to...

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Why is Marriage So Hard? – Part One

Have you ever asked yourself, why is marriage so hard? Implied in that question is that marriage shouldn't be difficult...that love should be easy, effortless. Clearly, that's not true. But marriage...

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When a Marriage is Tested

“Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.” Paulo Coelho A worldwide pandemic… A child in struggle… An affair...

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I’m Stuck. Is That True?

“You have to stop thinking that you’ll be stuck in your current situation forever…Don’t confuse a season, for a lifetime.” Brittney Moses I’ve heard several reports recently referencing how the call...

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It’s Going to Get Rough 🌩️

It’s only been a week since many of us were forced to start spending more time at home with our spouses. We went from spending a majority of our time at the office, the gym, running errands, and...

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Enough is Enough. (Rant Warning)

“There comes a point in every man’s life when he has to say: “Enough is enough.” Lance Armstrong I’m sitting on my hotel balcony on the second floor. It was a warm Arizona evening and there was a...

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Give Up the Need to Know…For Now.

“Have no judgements, no expectations and give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.” Caroline Myss I asked a group of women that I coach regarding their struggling and disconnected marriages...

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Choosing Between Two Men

“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful…” José N. Harris   When a woman has had an affair – and falls in love – she thinks...

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He’s Not Meeting My Needs

He’s Not Meeting My Needs… “You don’t get to tell people how to love you; you get to choose if you want to participate in the way they love.” Tracy Kaufmann   We’ve all been in relationships...

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But My Situation Is Different…

“Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what’s missing in the other person.” Wayne Dyer   I love how the Universe works… My message today has been about how we...

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Surviving Infidelity

“Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept, what your mind already knows.” Unknown   When we’re talking about surviving infidelity it’s typically in the context of: Can the betrayed...

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Can I Trust Him?

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” Unknown Author   Most of the time when I speak to men and women about trust in their marriages, we’re talking about...

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Understanding Emotional Infidelity

“This is how dishonesty and betrayal started, not in big lies but in small secrets.” Amy Tan One of my clients had recently learned of her husband engaging in emotional infidelity with a woman he...

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Verbally Abusive Relationship

“Disagreement is acceptable. Disrespect is not.” Stephan Labossiere Imagine for a moment, you’re in the next room while your daughter and her husband are having an argument. You're listening-in...

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1825 Days Without Affection

“Each night ask yourself…when did you withhold love when you might have given it?” Marianne Williamson   My client, Marilyn, told me it had been at least 5 years since she and her husband had...

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Why Bother Trying?

“Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” Roy T. Bennett   Fixing our relationship just seems so hard… Maybe it would just be easier to find someone who has the qualities I want in an...

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Why I Don’t Give Advice

“I do not like giving advice: it is incurring an unnecessary responsibility.” Benjamin Disraeli   People literally reach out to me from all over the world seeking advice on their struggling...

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Begging for Affection

“The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them that we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do.” Nan Fairbrother   “I can sit next to...

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I Don’t Miss Him Because…

“When you love someone, truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can...

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How Did We Go from Hope to Hate?

“Truth is about perception and what we believe shapes what we perceive.” Alan B Jones   Imagine for a second you’re sitting in your living room and just on the other side of a sliding glass...

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I Didn’t Go Looking for an Affair

“If you don’t receive love from the ones that are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.” Robert Goolrick   “I never intended for this to happen.” “I never saw this coming.” “I...

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When We Betray Ourselves

“Discomfort is a wise teacher.” Carolyn Myss   My client, who I’ll refer to here as Stella, had been married for 18 years when she found out that her husband had been involved in an online...

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The Power in Making a Decision

“Courage and confidence are what decision making is all about.” Mike Krzyzewski   A client, who I’ll call Paula, had gotten stuck. Six weeks ago, she told her husband that she felt it was time...

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The Four Stages of Marriage

"Our marriages are never static; they are always changing - either growing or withering..." Dave & Claudie Arp   Our marriages and most intimate relationships are incredibly complex and...

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Comfortably Unhappy

Comfortably Unhappy

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity and conservation, all...

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A Confused Mind Does Nothing

“Nothing happens until you decide.” Oprah Winfrey   A confused mind does nothing. Someone said this to me in passing recently. They said it as if it had been said a million times before. And it...

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There is No Such Thing as Destiny

“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.” Elizabeth Gilbert   April 19th. Today would have been my 19th wedding anniversary had I stayed married. I...

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Indecision Sucks

“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful.” Paulo Coelho   The thought of staying feels hopeless, but the thought of leaving and...

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50 Ways We Leave Our Lovers

“They were involved in that awkward procedure of getting to unknow each other.” John Irving Making the decision to leave a marriage doesn’t happen overnight and it’s never made lightly. It’s never a...

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Can I Afford to Leave My Husband?

“There are no right answers to wrong questions.” Ursula K. LeGuin Asking the question, "Can I afford to leave my husband?" isn't the most productive question to ask. I remember the day I walked away...

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What’s Important to You?

“…take a moment and ask yourself what is really important. Have the wisdom and courage to build your life around that answer.” Lee Jampolsky When I was unhappy and struggling in my first marriage,...

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Seeking Answers for My Marriage…

“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.” Joseph Campbell   How many books have you read seeking answers for your marriage? How many therapists have you sought out?...

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Does He Have Something to Hide

“Questions are only offensive to those who have something to hide.” Gary Hopkins I see it all the time with my clients, particularly those that are struggling with trying to figure out if they...

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Your Hurt. Your Pain. Your Anger.

“When her pain is fresh and new, let her have it. Don’t try to take it away. Grief and pain…are not things we should try to snatch from each other. They’re sacred.” Glennon Doyle Melton   It...

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