“Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept, what your mind already knows.” Unknown
When we’re talking about surviving infidelity it’s typically in the context of: Can the betrayed relationship survive? But whether or not you choose to remain in the relationship after one or both of you have cheated, you need to survive regardless.
If you decide that you want to remain in the relationship and attempt to rebuilt trust again, obviously you will be working through the hurt and betrayal, attempting to trust again and eventually being able to forgive.
But even if you decide to ...continue reading...
“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” Unknown Author
Most of the time when I speak to men and women about trust in their marriages, we’re talking about overcoming either lies or infidelity. Because I primarily work with women, the question they’re often asking is, “Can I trust him?” And while that kind of trust is important to a healthy and committed marriage, there’s another kind of trust that my clients and I also address and that is being able to trust your spouse emotionally.
The questions around emotional trust ask, “Can I ...continue reading...
“This is how dishonesty and betrayal started, not in big lies but in small secrets.” Amy Tan
One of my clients had recently learned of her husband engaging in emotional infidelity with a woman he worked alongside each day. She had been able to move past it by telling herself: It was only emotional; at least they never had sex.
One day later, I had a different client whose husband had cheated on her but it was purely physical. There was no emotional connection between them. She had made peace with it because it was only sex, void of ...continue reading...
“Knowing when to walk away, is wisdom. Being able to, is courage. Walking away with grace, and your head held high is dignity.” Ritu Ghatourey
By the time people find their way to my work, they’ve typically been struggling in their marriages for years, sometimes decades. But how do you know when your marriage is over?
There are probably gazillions of articles written that will give you the three most common attributes in a relationship that are tell-tale signs that your marriage is over (or should be over, in the writer’s opinion).
I don’t think that’s helpful at ...continue reading...
“The urge to blame is based…on the fear of being blamed.” Douglas Stone
In our marriages, it seems the conversation we avoid the most are the very ones we most need to be having with our partners. There’s a lot going either unsaid between or unheard.
Maybe we tried having the conversation previously and it didn’t go well.
Maybe we’re afraid saying what needs to be said will only worsen the relationship.
Maybe we’ve given up hope that anything will ever change.
We avoid having difficult conversations with our partners because almost no one enjoys confrontation, and we ...continue reading...
“Continents drift and so do hearts.” John Mark Green
In my marriage and relationship coaching practice, people reach out to me when their marriages have been struggling for years or even decades. Their relationships have become so unbearable that they’re considering leaving the marriage and are feeling paralyzed in fear because they don’t know how to fix the marriage and make it better, but they don’t know how to leave either. They tell me they feel stuck, sad, alone, scared and disconnected.
One of the questions I ask these people in my first discussion with them is, “What will ...continue reading...
“If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.” Genereux Philip
Many of my clients have controlling husbands.
Their husbands are afraid that their wives are not being fully honest, so they watch their every move and monitor their phones.
Their husbands are afraid that their wives will spend too much or spend on something they don’t agree with buying, so they control the finances.
Their husbands are afraid of what other people will think if their picture-perfect life changes.
It goes the other way too; sometimes women attempt to control their husband’s ...continue reading...
“Each night ask yourself…when did you withhold love when you might have given it?” Marianne Williamson
My client, Marilyn, told me it had been at least 5 years since she and her husband had sex.
She said they fall asleep each night lying next to one another, but feeling a million miles away from him.
Through tears Marilyn shared that she hadn’t been held in at least that long.
That’s 1825 days without affection.
1825 days without physical closeness and connection.
1825 days without feeling seen and understood.
1825 days without emotional support, intimacy and vulnerability.
1825 days ...continue reading...
“Every great man, every successful man, no matter what the field of endeavor, has known the magic that lies in these words: every adversity has the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” W. Clement Stone
A bonus of my relationship coaching practice is that I get to meet and work with some pretty phenomenal people:
I’ve worked with a Functional Medicine Doctor & Nutritionist who also plays the drums for a band several nights each week.
I’ve worked with several woman who decided later in life that they wanted to learn how to fly – literally – ...continue reading...
“Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” Roy T. Bennett
Fixing our relationship just seems so hard…
Maybe it would just be easier to find someone who has the qualities I want in an intimate relationship…
It’s probably not going to work. Why bother trying?
When you’ve been with your partner for decades and struggling for years, it might seem like the easier option is to quit on the relationship all together.
I have a client who likes to watch movies; he husband doesn’t. Surely it wouldn’t be that difficult to find someone who likes to ...continue reading...