“Continents drift and so do hearts.” John Mark Green
In my marriage and relationship coaching practice, people reach out to me when their marriages have been struggling for years or even decades. Their relationships have become so unbearable that they’re considering leaving the marriage and are feeling paralyzed in fear because they don’t know how to fix the marriage and make it better, but they don’t know how to leave either. They tell me they feel stuck, sad, alone, scared and disconnected.
One of the questions I ask these people in my first discussion with them is, “What will ...continue reading...
“If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.” Genereux Philip
Many of my clients have controlling husbands.
Their husbands are afraid that their wives are not being fully honest, so they watch their every move and monitor their phones.
Their husbands are afraid that their wives will spend too much or spend on something they don’t agree with buying, so they control the finances.
Their husbands are afraid of what other people will think if their picture-perfect life changes.
It goes the other way too; sometimes women attempt to control their husband’s ...continue reading...
“Each night ask yourself…when did you withhold love when you might have given it?” Marianne Williamson
My client, Marilyn, told me it had been at least 5 years since she and her husband had sex.
She said they fall asleep each night lying next to one another, but feeling a million miles away from him.
Through tears Marilyn shared that she hadn’t been held in at least that long.
That’s 1825 days without affection.
1825 days without physical closeness and connection.
1825 days without feeling seen and understood.
1825 days without emotional support, intimacy and vulnerability.
1825 days ...continue reading...
“Every great man, every successful man, no matter what the field of endeavor, has known the magic that lies in these words: every adversity has the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” W. Clement Stone
A bonus of my relationship coaching practice is that I get to meet and work with some pretty phenomenal people:
I’ve worked with a Functional Medicine Doctor & Nutritionist who also plays the drums for a band several nights each week.
I’ve worked with several woman who decided later in life that they wanted to learn how to fly – literally – ...continue reading...
“Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” Roy T. Bennett
Fixing our relationship just seems so hard…
Maybe it would just be easier to find someone who has the qualities I want in an intimate relationship…
It’s probably not going to work. Why bother trying?
When you’ve been with your partner for decades and struggling for years, it might seem like the easier option is to quit on the relationship all together.
I have a client who likes to watch movies; he husband doesn’t. Surely it wouldn’t be that difficult to find someone who likes to ...continue reading...
“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” RD Laing, MD
Yesterday I had a VIP Day with a brave and openhearted woman struggling to understand whether or not she should release her 39-year marriage and to make peace with her decision.
Having been a therapist, she picked up many of the coaching tools I shared with her and concepts quickly. But she also taught me something yesterday as well: There is an important distinction between loving someone and using someone:
When we use our partners to avoid pain,...continue reading...
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” Haruki Murakami
Even though divorce rates for younger couples is on the decline, the rate of divorces in mature marriages is increasing. As a matter of fact, the divorce rate has nearly doubled for couples age 50 and over throughout the past ...continue reading...
“I do not like giving advice: it is incurring an unnecessary responsibility.” Benjamin Disraeli
People literally reach out to me from all over the world seeking advice on their struggling marriages. They find me through Facebook, Messenger, Twitter, YouTube, my web site, and through email asking if I can tell them what they should do. They’re in so much pain and they don’t feel like they have anywhere to turn to get answers.
Should she stay with their husband and continue to try, even though everything she’s tried already has not worked to create real change?
Should ...continue reading...
“Never look back unless you’re planning to go that way.” Henry David Thoreau
When people are struggling in their marriages, they often feel confused about what to do and scared of making the wrong decision, so understandably they begin seeking answers.
They might be up late at night – sometimes after too many glasses of wine – scrolling through Facebook and Googling things like:My marriage is in trouble My marriage is over How do I fix my marriage? Will my spouse ever change? Should I stay or should I go?
In all that searching, they don’t have ...continue reading...
“The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them that we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do.” Nan Fairbrother
“I can sit next to him, but I cannot lean on him or put my head on his shoulder. I can hold his hand, but he will drop within about five minutes. We haven’t had sex for a year and he hasn’t kissed me in months. Every time I try to initiate some physical closeness, he has a reason why now is not ...continue reading...