My Musings on Marriage

If You Keep Doing the Same Thing, You Should Expect the Same Result.

My Musings on Marriage

Posts Categorized 'Inspiration for Myself & My Relationships'

My Musings on Marriage

“Most of us are imprisoned by something. We’re living in darkness until something flips on the switch.” Wynonna Judd

 

I love the idea of having someone to walk beside in this life.

I love that we get to be a witness to one another’s lives.

And I love that we get to share the joys and sorrows of life with another human being.

But the institution of marriage is sort of a peculiar thing to me…

Marriage was originally created as an alliance between two families, where the property rights, money, and bloodlines could be secured within the ...continue reading...

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Why We Avoid Setting Boundaries

“When you know you are of worth, you don’t have to raise your voice, you don’t have to become rude, you don’t have to become vulgar; you just are. And you are like the sky is, as the air is, the same way water is wet. It doesn’t have to protest.” Maya Angelou

 

If we are setting boundaries, people won’t like us.

If we use our voices to express out loud what is and is not okay, people will want to silence us.

If we set healthy boundaries, others will think we’re bitchy or bossy.

We avoid confrontation ...continue reading...

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Sharing Some Gifts with You

“Love is not about property, diamonds and gifts. It is about sharing your very self with the world around you.” Pablo Neruda

At this time of year, we’re thinking a lot about presents.

Let’s also think about gifts…our gifts…the ones we share with the world.

One of the benefits of having a coaching business like mine is that I am literally surrounded by other soulful, inspiring people doing amazing, heart-centered work in the world. And sometimes, our paths intersect and we get to combine our gifts on podcasts exploring and answering the bigger questions of our lives and relationships.

...continue reading...
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The Danger of Our Expectations. A Very Personal Story.

“Expectations will steal the gifts that are sitting right there in front of you.” Jada Pinkett Smith

 

This deeply personal story could help every relationship you have…

I am witnessing my mother as she moves through the disease of Alzheimer’s. She struggles to complete sentences and yet she’s still able to get her point across. She can’t follow a storyline on a TV show or in a book, but she’s very much present in the moment and enjoying herself being entertained. She often repeats herself, but nothing ever goes unsaid.

My mother is at a place now where ...continue reading...

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Judgement Doesn’t Help

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Mother Theresa

 

Women who have lied find me…

Women who have cheated find me…

Women who have engaged with married men find me…

Women who have done things they’re not proud of find me…

And even men who are imperfect themselves occasionally find me.

They find me because the words I use let them know they’re safe with me.

They won’t be judged.

Or ridiculed….

Or made to feel worse than they already do…

I lost my ability to judge others because I know what it’s like ...continue reading...

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Challenging the Inevitable Truth

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” Oscar Wilde

 

Virtually everyone believes their thoughts as Truth (with a capital T). No one walks around thinking, “I think I’ll believe that lie.” And yet, all of our beliefs are simply perspectives – not right or wrong, good or bad – just one person’s perspective.

But some of the beliefs we carry as if they are inevitable truths that will for sure come to fruition or that they are irrefutable facts. They’re often not. Outside of needing oxygen and water to live, there are very few beliefs we carry ...continue reading...

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How are You Showing Up as a Woman?

“One is not born a woman, one becomes one.” Simone De Beauvoir

My client, who I’ll refer to as Tammy, is getting ready to have that incredibly difficult conversation with her husband. She’s been unhappy in her marriage for a long time; it’s not been kept a secret. But she’s preparing to have the conversation where she takes that next big step and shares the decision she’s made to separate with him.

When we’re in the midst of a difficult situation:

Hard conversations we’ve been avoiding for far too long… Sharing our feelings without knowing how it will be ...continue reading...
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This is What to Do with Drama and Struggle

“It’s not somebody’s fault if their father was an abusive alcoholic, but it’s for damn sure their responsibility to figure out how they’re gonna deal with those traumas and try to make a life out of it.” Will Smith

 

A friend and former mentor of mine said something yesterday that was brilliant. She said:

“You don’t get to decide whether or not the drama shows up.

You get to decide what you do in the midst of that drama.”

It reminded me of the Will Smith video that’s been making the rounds on Facebook ...continue reading...

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When We Withhold Love

“If you withhold love as a form of punishment, who is being punished?” Donald L. Hicks

 

Here’s how most relationships work:

When my spouse is doing the things that I want them to do, I show them love. When they’re not doing those things or doing things that I would prefer they NOT do, I withhold love.

My spouse will clearly feel the difference and will adjust their actions and behaviors accordingly so that the love spicket will once again rain upon them.

That’s not love, that’s attachment and manipulation.

 

We are taught this from a very ...continue reading...

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Why I Love It When My Coaching Clients Stop Working with Me

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weights you down.” Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

 

Last week one of my coaching clients stopped working with me.

When she came to me she had one foot out the door and no idea how to save a marriage that was essentially on life support.

Now several months later, she and her husband have re-connected, they’re communicating every day and they’re enjoying doing things together that they haven’t done in years.

She also is now equipped with all the tools she needs to sustain this connection in ...continue reading...

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