When You Take Responsibility, You Have the Ability to Respond

I believe that we all are enough.

When You Take Responsibility, You Have the Ability to Respond

Posts Categorized 'Healing after Heartbreak or Divorce'

When You Take Responsibility, You Have the Ability to Respond

“One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful, peaceful and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. As long as you can blame someone else, be angry with someone else, point a finger at someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your life.” Iyanla Vanzant

 

Fran and Steve had been together for 26 years.

Fran had become more controlling after their children were born and their schedules became more and more chaotic.

She would frequently talk over him when he tried to speak.

She would stifle his ideas and ...continue reading...

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Divorce and Our Emotions

“It can be difficult, if not impossible, for many divorced people to ever rest in a state of pure grief, pure anger, or pure relief when it comes to feelings about one’s ex-spouse. Instead, the emotions often remain mixed-up together in an uncomfortably raw stew of contradictions for many years.” Elizabeth Gilbert

 

In almost every divorce, there is always one person that is asking for the divorce and one that is not. Although no one – not even the person seeking the change – gets out of divorce free from hurt, often times the one that is left ...continue reading...

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The One Who Broke My Heart

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.” Nicholas Sparks

 

Michael was tall, broad-shouldered, muscular and devilishly handsome. He had a smile that lit up a room and a personality that was magnetic. He had confidence and charm. He was expressive and affectionate. He was younger than I, but the dreams he held for his life were that of a more mature man. He was what I refer to as bright and sparkly and I fell in love with him.

I was in a hurting place at the time. My marriage ...continue reading...

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Have I Outgrown My Relationship?

“Some people we just outgrow. Relationships might end with no real explanation as to why. And when that happens, respect the shift. Honor the growth and understand that not all roots can stay planted in the same soil forever.” Alex Elle

 

Yesterday I was asked the question from someone struggling in their marriage, “Have I outgrown my relationship?” Interesting that I was a guest on a podcast where we discussed that exact topic (link to that soulful conversation below) recently. I’ve never told this angle on my life or my first marriage before…but I think it’s important to ...continue reading...

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The Secret Wellness Tool that Will Help You Get Through Divorce

Divorce is a loss. It is a loss of a relationship, of course, but it is also a loss of a dream you once held. It may be a loss of an identity. You may lose friendships and you’ll certainly lose money. But one of the other surprising things you lose in divorce is your sense of real clarity in your life.

It’s like a fog has rolled in and you know the bridge is there connecting the life you had with the life you’re moving towards, but you can’t see it.

That’s why the most valuable wellness tool ...continue reading...

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Owning My Part: How I Found Success in the Failure of My Marriage

Our life together looked picture-perfect from the outside. We both had good jobs, a beautiful home in a suburban golf community, plenty of friends and supportive families. We took vacations, had nice cars and retirement accounts. From the outside looking in, my life probably looked enviable by most people’s standards. But on the inside, all I felt was alone.

My husband was (and very likely still is) a good, kind man. He was responsible and hard-working, honest and caring. He was many things, but affectionate wasn’t one of them. We never awoke in each other’s arms or lost track ...continue reading...

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How to Have a Drama-Free Breakup

I was in love. It wasn’t an easy, nurturing, soulful love. It was the kind of love that rocks your foundation and leaves you feeling consumed.

He was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep. He was intense and passionate, but also secretive and disarming.

Just as I became consumed by this drug, needing hit after hit, he began to pull away. He began making less time for me, making me feel very small and unimportant in his life.

He began seeing other women, ...continue reading...

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How to Admit Your Role in a Failed Relationship (without Blaming Yourself)

When a relationship “fails,” it’s easy to look back on it with blame and shame. We want to point fingers and attribute the pain to external forces (more often than not, by blaming our exes). But the truth is, every relationship is a dynamic. So when that dynamic spirals into dysfunction, we need to recognize our part.

Let’s take an example to explore what I’m talking about further. Caren had a belief that all men leave. And she had good reason to believe this: her father left her mother and the family when she was five years old. In her ...continue reading...

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What to Do when Your Relationship with a Narcissist (Inevitably) Falls Apart

A woman I’ll call Bethany got in touch with me asking for help. She was 47 years old, had two children, and had been married for 23 years to a man with significant narcissistic tendencies. Although their marriage had never been great, the last decade was brutal.

The more time we spent together, the more I learned about their dynamic. He would manipulate her to suit his own desires, withholding love and attention until she finally gave in. He lied pathologically and made no apologies for having multiple affairs or drinking and gambling too much.

She had felt so ...continue reading...

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What I Know about Love from Being in the Wrong Marriage

I was married to a perfectly nice, stable man for 11 years. Safe and picture-perfect from the outside, my marriage still left me feeling lonely and disconnected inside.When I left my marriage in my late 30s, I attempted to navigate the dating terrain, making more than my fair share of mistakes. I fell in love with men that didn’t deserve that gift, and had my heart broken more than once. I cried more in the 12 months that followed than I had my entire life.

Being broken wide open, I had no choice but to create space ...continue reading...

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