What Will Happen If I Let It Go?

I believe that we all are enough.

What Will Happen If I Let It Go?

Posts Categorized 'Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage'

What Will Happen If I Let It Go?

“Things are as they are, we suffer because we imagined different.” Anonymous

 

Our expectations of other people and our attachments to how we think the circumstances of our lives should be get us in an awful lot of trouble.

We expect that our husbands will notice when we’re overwhelmed and that he’ll step in and do something about it so that we feel some relief…

We expect that our spouses will be appreciative for all of our hard work…

We expect that the people around us will be happy and positive and grateful.

And we attach to those ...continue reading...

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What if No One has to be Wrong?

“An open mind, in questions that are not ultimate, is useful.” C.S. Lewis

 

Aubrey had received a phone call from her husband John, and he was fuming. She had communicated something to his mother that he felt wasn’t appropriate and that action really upset him. When she picked up the phone, she was feeling verbally attacked by John:

How could you do that?

What were you thinking?

Do you have any idea of how that made me feel?

Whereas only a few weeks ago, this would have turned into an enormous argument that would have created even more ...continue reading...

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The Tornado of the Type A Woman

“It can’t be a great marriage without being a great partnership.” Helen Mirren

 

In coaching, recognizing yourself in others is something called, ‘You spot it, you got it.’ The idea is that you wouldn’t truly be able to see and understand a client’s experience as deeply as you do unless you have an element of that in yourself as well.

And boy do I understand this one…

The Type A personality is defined as someone who is highly organized, ambitious, impatient, and may be competitive and/or aggressive in their approach to getting things done.

Sometimes, as women we ...continue reading...

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The Guardian of His Solitude

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust.” Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

My client’s husband values freedom more than anything; freedom to express himself, freedom to live his life on his terms, even the freedom to be able to leave at any moment. Feeling the weight of shackles of any kind is like his own ...continue reading...

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Protecting Your Heart

“You don’t protect your heart by acting like you don’t have one.” Unknown Author

 

Casey has been married for 15 years and over those years there had been plenty of hurtful words, disappointments and unmet expectations between them. So much so that she built a metaphorical wall around her heart to protect herself from being hurt again and again and again by the man that she truly did love.

She stopped making herself vulnerable to him, keeping him at an emotionally safe distance.

She stopped telling him about how she was feeling, about her dreams and desires…existing on ...continue reading...

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Why Your Husband Shuts Down

“Men want to communicate with the women they love, but how they need to go about it is likely to be very different.” Shaunti Feldhahn

 

My client Cynthia, processes things very quickly; she has to. She’s a wife, a mother, an executive and CEO of a very busy household. And when there’s an issue in her marriage, she wants to be able to talk it through with her husband in order to come to a resolution. Her frustration is that she feels like her husband shuts down, won’t talk to her about the issue and then believes he ...continue reading...

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Do You and Your Husband Talk about the Weather?

“Curiosity is, in great and generous minds, the first passion and the last.” Samuel Johnson

 

What do you most love to talk about?

Inspirational ideas? Dreams and goals? Making plans? Spirituality or faith? Telling stories and laughing?

What do you and your husband talk about most often?

The kids and their schedules? The news? The weather?

Houston…we have a problem.

It may sound obvious, but if you find that mostly what you and your husband talk about are things like the news and the weather, it’s no wonder you feel so disconnected.

Maybe you stopped talking to him ...continue reading...

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Some Practical Relationship Advice

“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”  Epicurus

The average American spends 2160 days in school, and based upon the average life span, that’s 12% of all the days of our lives spent in school. During that time, we learn about things such as math, science, reading, writing, languages, etc. These are all important topics to help us function in the world and become productive adults.

But at the end of our lives, when we’re lying there close to taking our last breath and reflecting ...continue reading...

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Let’s Talk Love & Bondage…

“Being aware of the bondage is enough to free you from its clutches.” Mata Amritanandamayi

 

Here’s how relationships typically work:

When our partners are behaving in a way that we find pleasing, we feel good…

…or at least not bad.

When our partners are behaving in a way that we find displeasing, we feel rotten…

…or disgusted or angry.

But if our feeling good is dependent upon our partner behaving in a certain way…

We’ll always be feeling vulnerable (since we cannot control his actions, choices or behaviors)

And they’ll be in bondage (feeling ...continue reading...

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Two Years in Therapy and $6500 Later…

“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” Thomas Jefferson

 

Jillian has been working on her marriage – trying to make it better – for a long time. She and her husband have been together for 28 years. Things between them were fine at first, even nice, but they were so young and that was so long ago. Then they began having children and spent the next two decades just trying to keep their head above water while growing their family business, running the home, and raising three rowdy boys. But now ...continue reading...

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