Loving Unconditionally is the Hardest Work We’ll Ever Do

If You Keep Doing the Same Thing, You Should Expect the Same Result.

Loving Unconditionally is the Hardest Work We’ll Ever Do

Posts Categorized 'Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage'

Loving Unconditionally is the Hardest Work We’ll Ever Do

“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional.” Stephen Kendrick

 

Loving unconditionally is easy to say, living it is so much more difficult.

When my husband is telling me how beautiful I am and doing the things that make me happy, I am loving toward him and think loving thoughts about him. When he does something that makes me feel hurt or tells how frustrated he is with me, I shut down or punch back and become hurtful in return.

That’s loving conditionally.

When we feel heard and understood, that feels like standing in ...continue reading...

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The Kiss of Death for Your Marriage: The Need to be Right

Occasionally a marriage will end as a result of one single incident, such as infidelity. But more often than not, it’s the day-to-day hurtful words and actions between a couple that dissolve a marriage slowly over time. And almost nothing can chip away at a marriage more directly than one or both partners’ need to be right when there’s a disagreement.

The desire to be right is something that was taught to us at a very young age. When we get the answers right in school, we get better grades. We went out into competitive working environments and those ...continue reading...

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Why People in Healthcare Struggle in Their Marriages

“Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible.” Mao Zedong

 

If you were to look at the national averages for divorce rates in the US for people in the healthcare profession, it would show them beating the national averages (Physicians and Surgeons divorcing at a rate of 21.8% and Healthcare professionals 31.6% according to quartz.com*). However, that hasn’t been my experience.

I have doctors and surgeons, wives of doctors and surgeons, nurses and therapists as clients. I also have teachers, administrators, corporate execs and other professions, but people in the healthcare field certainly make up more than ...continue reading...

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Your Relationship Prep for the New Year

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you’re not going to stay where you are.” Unknown

 

I’ve not always been the biggest fan of New Year’s (until I decided to get married on NYE, that is…). But one thing it’s good for is taking stock of where you are in your relationship and becoming intentional about where you want to go in your relationship or marriage.

Maybe things haven’t been going that well…

Maybe you’ve been arguing more and the resentments have been mounting…

Maybe you’ve just begun to co-exist as parents, losing who you ...continue reading...

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Someone Has to Take the Lead

“Peace doesn’t require two people; it only requires one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” Byron Katie

When a relationship is struggling, it’s easy to sit back and wait for the other person to make the necessary changes to make it better. But it’s not an effective strategy because it very rarely happens that one partner takes the lead, so the problems continue to worsen, the resentments mount and the disconnection between the two people widens.

It takes only one person to make a difference. I know we’ve been told that we both have ...continue reading...

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What Will Happen If I Let It Go?

“Things are as they are, we suffer because we imagined different.” Anonymous

 

Our expectations of other people and our attachments to how we think the circumstances of our lives should be get us in an awful lot of trouble.

We expect that our husbands will notice when we’re overwhelmed and that he’ll step in and do something about it so that we feel some relief…

We expect that our spouses will be appreciative for all of our hard work…

We expect that the people around us will be happy and positive and grateful.

And we attach to those ...continue reading...

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What if No One has to be Wrong?

“An open mind, in questions that are not ultimate, is useful.” C.S. Lewis

 

Aubrey had received a phone call from her husband John, and he was fuming. She had communicated something to his mother that he felt wasn’t appropriate and that action really upset him. When she picked up the phone, she was feeling verbally attacked by John:

How could you do that?

What were you thinking?

Do you have any idea of how that made me feel?

Whereas only a few weeks ago, this would have turned into an enormous argument that would have created even more ...continue reading...

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The Tornado of the Type A Woman

“It can’t be a great marriage without being a great partnership.” Helen Mirren

 

In coaching, recognizing yourself in others is something called, ‘You spot it, you got it.’ The idea is that you wouldn’t truly be able to see and understand a client’s experience as deeply as you do unless you have an element of that in yourself as well.

And boy do I understand this one…

The Type A personality is defined as someone who is highly organized, ambitious, impatient, and may be competitive and/or aggressive in their approach to getting things done.

Sometimes, as women we ...continue reading...

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The Guardian of His Solitude

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust.” Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

My client’s husband values freedom more than anything; freedom to express himself, freedom to live his life on his terms, even the freedom to be able to leave at any moment. Feeling the weight of shackles of any kind is like his own ...continue reading...

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Protecting Your Heart

“You don’t protect your heart by acting like you don’t have one.” Unknown Author

 

Casey has been married for 15 years and over those years there had been plenty of hurtful words, disappointments and unmet expectations between them. So much so that she built a metaphorical wall around her heart to protect herself from being hurt again and again and again by the man that she truly did love.

She stopped making herself vulnerable to him, keeping him at an emotionally safe distance.

She stopped telling him about how she was feeling, about her dreams and desires…existing on ...continue reading...

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