Even good marriages fail. One minute you’re standing on solid ground. The next minute, you’re not. And there’s always two versions: yours and theirs. Both versions start the same way, though. Both start with two people falling in love. Grey’s Anatomy
Natalie’s marriage is on the ropes. She and her husband are living apart, they’ve filed the paperwork and the divorce process is underway. But she’s still not sure if she can walk away from more than 2 decades with this man she pledged to love forever. They haven’t had an emotional connection for a long time, she never felt heard or beautiful or desired. But there’s still that voice inside her that that whispers, “Is there some way to save this?”
There are a lot of things about Natalie’s marriage that don’t work, clearly since they’ve gotten this far into the divorce process. She wants an intimate, emotionally connected and passionate love. She wants to feel special, heard and desired inside of her relationship. She wants to feel alive again.
Nature can be such a beautiful teacher for us.
When a tree is struggling, sometimes it can be saved by pruning away the dying branches.
Even when a tree is dying, sometimes it can be re-emerge by cutting it all the way down to its stump.
Sometimes that which is dying can be saved.
But it takes a pruning away of all the parts that no longer serve it.
The need for our spouse to change who they are in order for us to be happy.
The belief that you have to go back to a numb existence in order to stay in your troubled marriage.
The lies that you weren’t strong enough, confident enough, beautiful enough, or loving enough for him to stay.
If you’ve followed me for any period of time, you know I’m not the coach that’s going to tell you to suck it up, give up on those dreams and desires, you’ll never have what you want, it’s going to be really hard at your age to find love again, so maybe staying in an unhappy marriage is better than being alone.
Nope. Wrong coach.
If your marriage can be saved, it needs to include all of your dreams and desires. And his too.
It needs to re-emerge as a different version of your relationship – think of it as the 2.0 version of you as a couple.
It will have to look and feel different than what it did before. How you interact and connect with each other will need to shift.
The parts that no longer serve the marriage – fearful thoughts, beliefs, lies – need to be pruned away. And the parts that work well need to be brought into the light and nurtured.
Of course, not everything that’s dying can be saved.
Some harsh conditions don’t allow it to re-blossom.
Some relationships on life support are too far gone.
And some have been dead a long time already.