“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust.” Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
My client’s husband values freedom more than anything; freedom to express himself, freedom to live his life on his terms, even the freedom to be able to leave at any moment. Feeling the weight of shackles of any kind is like his own ...continue reading...
“When you love someone, truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt…” Sherrilyn Kenyon
“I don’t miss him because he never really shared that much of himself with me.”
With only a few words, my client expressed so much.
She has been separated from her husband for more than a year and still struggling with whether or not to leave the marriage for good or somehow re-engage with ...continue reading...
“You don’t protect your heart by acting like you don’t have one.” Unknown Author
Casey has been married for 15 years and over those years there had been plenty of hurtful words, disappointments and unmet expectations between them. So much so that she built a metaphorical wall around her heart to protect herself from being hurt again and again and again by the man that she truly did love.
She stopped making herself vulnerable to him, keeping him at an emotionally safe distance.
She stopped telling him about how she was feeling, about her dreams and desires…existing on ...continue reading...
“Truth is about perception and what we believe shapes what we perceive.” Alan B Jones
Imagine for a second you’re sitting in your living room and just on the other side of a sliding glass door is the ocean. You can see the different shades of blue in the water, you can see the movement of the ocean and the white peaks that form at the tops of the rolling waves. It’s beautiful and calming…and powerful. You could sit there all day admiring the view.
Now imagine that we replace that sliding glass door with a few panes of ...continue reading...
“If you don’t receive love from the ones that are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.” Robert Goolrick
“I never intended for this to happen.”
“I never saw this coming.”
“I didn’t go looking for an affair.”
“We were just talking as friends.”
“It just happened.”
Sure there are some people that actively go looking for an affair – the next distraction, the next victim, spending hours on sites like Ashley-Madison. But those aren’t typically the people that find their way to me.
The people in my tribe find themselves in an affair ...continue reading...
“Men want to communicate with the women they love, but how they need to go about it is likely to be very different.” Shaunti Feldhahn
My client Cynthia, processes things very quickly; she has to. She’s a wife, a mother, an executive and CEO of a very busy household. And when there’s an issue in her marriage, she wants to be able to talk it through with her husband in order to come to a resolution. Her frustration is that she feels like her husband shuts down, won’t talk to her about the issue and then believes he ...continue reading...
“Discomfort is a wise teacher.” Carolyn Myss
My client, who I’ll refer to here as Stella, had been married for 18 years when she found out that her husband had been involved in an online emotional affair with an ex-girlfriend for at least three years.
Sounds like a betrayal, right?
Yes, it was. But he wasn’t the only one doing some betraying…
Stella couldn’t remember the last time she felt good about her marriage.
They argued a lot and nothing ever seemed to get resolved.
Every time she tried to talk to her husband about the problems in ...continue reading...
“Courage and confidence are what decision making is all about.” Mike Krzyzewski
A client, who I’ll call Paula, had gotten stuck.
Six weeks ago, she told her husband that she felt it was time to separate. They had been struggling for years and it was only getting worse.
They were arguing more.
They were sleeping in separate bedrooms.
And Paula was worrying about what they were teaching their daughters about love and marriage.
She felt like their only answer was to separate.
Not surprisingly, that’s not what her husband wanted so they spent the next three hours trying ...continue reading...
“One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful, peaceful and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. As long as you can blame someone else, be angry with someone else, point a finger at someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your life.” Iyanla Vanzant
Fran and Steve had been together for 26 years.
Fran had become more controlling after their children were born and their schedules became more and more chaotic.
She would frequently talk over him when he tried to speak.
She would stifle his ideas and ...continue reading...