What if No One has to be Wrong?

I believe that we all are enough.

What if No One has to be Wrong?

What if No One has to be Wrong?

“An open mind, in questions that are not ultimate, is useful.” C.S. Lewis

 

Aubrey had received a phone call from her husband John, and he was fuming. She had communicated something to his mother that he felt wasn’t appropriate and that action really upset him. When she picked up the phone, she was feeling verbally attacked by John:

How could you do that?

What were you thinking?

Do you have any idea of how that made me feel?

Whereas only a few weeks ago, this would have turned into an enormous argument that would have created even more ...continue reading...

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Judgement Doesn’t Help

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Mother Theresa

 

Women who have lied find me…

Women who have cheated find me…

Women who have engaged with married men find me…

Women who have done things they’re not proud of find me…

And even men who are imperfect themselves occasionally find me.

They find me because the words I use let them know they’re safe with me.

They won’t be judged.

Or ridiculed….

Or made to feel worse than they already do…

I lost my ability to judge others because I know what it’s like ...continue reading...

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Why I Don’t Give Advice

“I do not like giving advice: it is incurring an unnecessary responsibility.” Benjamin Disraeli

 

People literally reach out to me from all over the world seeking advice on their struggling marriages. They find me through Facebook, Messenger, Twitter, YouTube, my web site, and through email asking if I can tell them what they should do. They’re in so much pain and they don’t feel like they have anywhere to turn to get answers.

Should she stay with their husband and continue to try, even though everything she’s tried already has not worked to create real change?

Should ...continue reading...

Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? |
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Challenging the Inevitable Truth

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” Oscar Wilde

 

Virtually everyone believes their thoughts as Truth (with a capital T). No one walks around thinking, “I think I’ll believe that lie.” And yet, all of our beliefs are simply perspectives – not right or wrong, good or bad – just one person’s perspective.

But some of the beliefs we carry as if they are inevitable truths that will for sure come to fruition or that they are irrefutable facts. They’re often not. Outside of needing oxygen and water to live, there are very few beliefs we carry ...continue reading...

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Support Groups Seem Like a Perfectly Logical Idea…

“Never look back unless you’re planning to go that way.” Henry David Thoreau

 

When people are struggling in their marriages, they often feel confused about what to do and scared of making the wrong decision, so understandably they begin seeking answers.

They might be up late at night – sometimes after too many glasses of wine – scrolling through Facebook and Googling things like:

My marriage is in trouble My marriage is over How do I fix my marriage? Will my spouse ever change? Should I stay or should I go?

In all that searching, they don’t have ...continue reading...

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Begging for Affection

“The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them that we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do.” Nan Fairbrother

 

“I can sit next to him, but I cannot lean on him or put my head on his shoulder. I can hold his hand, but he will drop within about five minutes. We haven’t had sex for a year and he hasn’t kissed me in months. Every time I try to initiate some physical closeness, he has a reason why now is not ...continue reading...

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The Tornado of the Type A Woman

“It can’t be a great marriage without being a great partnership.” Helen Mirren

 

In coaching, recognizing yourself in others is something called, ‘You spot it, you got it.’ The idea is that you wouldn’t truly be able to see and understand a client’s experience as deeply as you do unless you have an element of that in yourself as well.

And boy do I understand this one…

The Type A personality is defined as someone who is highly organized, ambitious, impatient, and may be competitive and/or aggressive in their approach to getting things done.

Sometimes, as women we ...continue reading...

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The Guardian of His Solitude

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust.” Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

My client’s husband values freedom more than anything; freedom to express himself, freedom to live his life on his terms, even the freedom to be able to leave at any moment. Feeling the weight of shackles of any kind is like his own ...continue reading...

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I Don’t Miss Him Because…

“When you love someone, truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt…” Sherrilyn Kenyon

 

“I don’t miss him because he never really shared that much of himself with me.”

With only a few words, my client expressed so much.

She has been separated from her husband for more than a year and still struggling with whether or not to leave the marriage for good or somehow re-engage with ...continue reading...

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Protecting Your Heart

“You don’t protect your heart by acting like you don’t have one.” Unknown Author

 

Casey has been married for 15 years and over those years there had been plenty of hurtful words, disappointments and unmet expectations between them. So much so that she built a metaphorical wall around her heart to protect herself from being hurt again and again and again by the man that she truly did love.

She stopped making herself vulnerable to him, keeping him at an emotionally safe distance.

She stopped telling him about how she was feeling, about her dreams and desires…existing on ...continue reading...

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