“Being a successful couple was learning what you were willing to compromise on, and what you weren’t; learning when to stand your ground, and when to give it up; what was truly important enough to fight over, and what was just you being pissy.” Laurell K. Hamilton
We all have them.
Each one of us carries certain beliefs about our relationships.
And they’re not called beliefs for no reason. They’re called beliefs because we genuinely believe they’re true. We believe that the way we view the world – and our relationships – is right. Otherwise, we wouldn’t ...continue reading...
“I do believe that 50 is the new 40 and 60 is the new 50. Hell, maybe 60 can be the new 40, I don’t know. I believe that when we give ourselves permission, we can live with an excitement and heat and passion that most women in previous generations were unable to attain.” Marianne Williamson
Five years ago, my husband and I were in St. Lucia. I recall looking around the pool of mature couples and noticing how every single woman – myself included – save two of them were reading the first Fifty Shades of Grey ...continue reading...
“Complaining not only ruins everybody else’s day, it ruins the complainer’s day too. The more we complain, the more unhappy we get.” Dennis PragerYesterday morning I woke up at 5:55 am and struggled to go back to sleep. I had gotten to bed late the night before. I finally fell back asleep only to hear my alarm about thirty minutes later. I was tired…the kind of tired you feel in your bones. But I had client and prospect appointments booked for the whole day starting in one hour, so I got up and got ready. I took ...continue reading...
“There are no right answers to wrong questions.” Ursula K. LeGuin
Asking the question, “Can I afford to leave my husband?” isn’t the most productive question to ask.
I remember the day I walked away from my marriage, when I walked out the front door of my home with a packed bag. You’d think I would have had some kind of grand plan that I had spent months orchestrating; I didn’t. I went to my parent’s house and asked if I could spend the night there. If they hadn’t said, “yes,” I would have gone to a hotel. I ...continue reading...
“…take a moment and ask yourself what is really important. Have the wisdom and courage to build your life around that answer.” Lee Jampolsky
When I was unhappy and struggling in my first marriage, it impacted literally every other aspect of my life:I wasn’t as focused or as confident at work. I gained weight and didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I drank more than I should have to numb myself and my emotions. My relationships with my family became strained. I distracted myself by keeping constantly busy. I wasn’t sleeping well because my mind was always ...continue reading...
“Those who have never known the deep intimacy and the intense companionship of mutual love missed the best thing that life has to give.” Bertrand Russell
Nina and I began our coaching session together with her sharing how she’s not feeling as optimistic as she had been:
We’ve fallen back into our old patterns again.
We’re still missing passion, connection and intimacy. It’s just not there.
I know I am capable of having that kind of a relationship (…because I’ve felt it before with someone else). Maybe my husband and I just can’t be that way together.
“Some people we just outgrow. Relationships might end with no real explanation as to why. And when that happens, respect the shift. Honor the growth and understand that not all roots can stay planted in the same soil forever.” Alex Elle
Yesterday I was asked the question from someone struggling in their marriage, “Have I outgrown my relationship?” Interesting that I was a guest on a podcast where we discussed that exact topic (link to that soulful conversation below) recently. I’ve never told this angle on my life or my first marriage before…but I think it’s important to ...continue reading...
“Inner peace begins the moment you choose to not allow another person or event to control your emotions.” Pema Chödrön
Here’s something you may not know about me: I am horrible at arguing.
I used to be good at it. I used to grab the biting and hurtful comments with ease. I used to use sarcasm as a passive-aggressive way to get my point across.
But I’ve grown up since then and now I am far more interested in keeping my peace than I am in winning an argument.
So when someone comes at me with lots of ...continue reading...
“I don’t want to look back in five years and think, ‘We could have been magnificent, but I was afraid.’ In five years I want to tell how fear tried to cheat me out of the best thing in life, and I didn’t let it.” Unknown
I told you in my blog post on Tuesday that the one thing both men and women wanted more of in their marriages was communication.
When you’re feeling tired and frustrated, how do you communicate to your partner?
When you’re feeling angry and resentful, how to you react to your spouse?...continue reading...
“Communication is the fuel that keeps the fire of your relationship burning. Without it, your relationship goes cold.” William Paisley
The health of our relationships is directly tied to our ability to communicate. When we don’t do it well, it creates conflicts and disconnection in our relationships. And when we do it well, we create relationships that feel more open, honest and trusting.
But maybe you knew that already…
Here’s something I recently read that blew my mind:
When asked what they would like more of in their marriage that they don’t currently have – both men and women ...continue reading...