There are Two Sides to Every Story…and they’re both right.

I believe that we all are enough.

There are Two Sides to Every Story…and they’re both right.

There are Two Sides to Every Story…and they’re both right.

“You can only see what you believe, nothing else is possible.” Byron Katie

 This week I had the experience of being able to speak with the husband of one of my long-term clients. He was open, honest, introspective and sincere. His wife is a good woman. He is a good man. And they’re at the crossroads of trying to figure out if they can be what each other needs or if it’s time to call it quits.

As they say, there are two sides to every story. That’s because all of us – everyone – can only see and ...continue reading...

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What It’s Like When We Love Someone but are No Longer in Love.

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.” Elizabeth Gilbert

Rachel has love for her husband, but she’s no longer in love with him.

Rachel and her husband have been married for ten years and their relationship feels more like distant roommates than connected lovers who deeply care for one another. She shares with me that he’s a great guy – even a good looking man – but there’s no longer a closeness or intimacy that she desperately wants.

They’ve tried counseling. He refused to go back ...continue reading...

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How to Make a Marriage Thrive

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” Maya Angelou

 

I wasn’t trying to perform some kind of experiment on my marriage, but that’s essentially what happened. And what I learned was how to make a marriage thrive.

There was a period of about two weeks recently where I was stressed about my parents and their health, worried about my business being slow over the holidays, terrified at the thought of my husband quitting his job to start his own ...continue reading...

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The Marriage We Have is a Result of Our Thoughts

“If you keep examining your mind, you’ll come to see that thoughts of who you are and how it all is are creating the reality you’re experiencing.” Ram Dass

 

Most of the time when our marriages are struggling, we want to focus on the actions that are causing the struggle; specifically, our spouse’s actions…

But changing our own (or anyone else’s) behavior doesn’t just happen. There’s a whole series of thoughts and emotions occurring beneath the surface that no one is even talking about, but they’re what’s driving the very behaviors that we so desperately want changed in ...continue reading...

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The Danger of a Marriage on Auto-Pilot

“Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.” Jose Ortega y Gasset

 

Do you remember the day when you held your newborn in your arms for the first time? You instinctively knew that this tiny human being was now going to be the center of your world and you were glad to do it. Lots would go on the back-burner for essentially the next two decades: your interests, your dreams, your desires and, even your marriage.

Placing a marriages on auto-pilot doesn’t occur intentionally; it’s just that in a household with ...continue reading...

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Want to Heal Your Relationship? Find Forgiveness.

“The healer you have been looking for is your own courage to know and love yourself completely.” Yung Pueblo

Being in relationship with one another forces us to forgive over and over and over again in order to live peacefully and sustain healthy, loving relationships. When we choose to not forgive, we carry the tremendous weight of unhealed resentment. It’s a script running in the background of our minds and if not released, it will cunningly show up in all of our relationships, interactions and experiences.

You’ve probably heard the saying that forgiveness is for you; it’s not for ...continue reading...

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Reconnect & Learn Something New about Your Partner

“Each day learn something new, and just as important, re-learn something old.” Robert Breault

 

One of the ways I think our marriages fall off the rails is when we stop being curious about one another.

We assume we know everything there is to know about our partners, but that’s not true.

Even after being together for many years, we’re not the same people we were years – or decades – ago. We’re changing and so are our spouses. What we want or prefer now is likely very different than what we wanted and liked ten or twenty years ...continue reading...

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A Marriage Counseling Drawback

“Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart.” Richard Carlson

 

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this one particular scenario in my coaching practice….well……I’d have a lot of dollars:

We went to marriage counseling together a few times, but then he didn’t want to go anymore so we quit.

When a struggling couple goes to a marriage counselor, they’re placing someone in the middle of their marriage, almost as a judge to define who’s right and who’s wrong. They go in essentially defending their feelings ...continue reading...

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We Do What We Want to Do. Period.

“Adults get to behave however they want.” Brooke Castillo

 

My client, Maggie, has begged her husband, Joe, for years to spend more time with her. The kids are grown and off on their own now and Maggie is ready to travel more, go to concerts, art exhibits, and new restaurants. She would like to feel more connected to Joe, but keeps hitting what feels like a brick wall.

She asks him if he wants to plan a trip to the Caribbean and he says, “No, I can’t be away from work for that long.”

She buys tickets to ...continue reading...

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My First 100 Clients…and the Ripple Effect.

“….ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that’s a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect.” Rob Reiner

 

I realized something last night:

I’ve now worked with directly and helped 100 clients in their most important and most intimate relationships:

100 people no longer struggling, questioning, spinning or hurting. 100 people who are creating relationships that feel loving again. 100 people who are living lives that feel hopeful again.

100 people didn’t sound like a lot to me at first. After all, I’ve been coaching for years… until I looked at ...continue reading...

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