The Problem with Staying for the Kids

I believe that we all are enough.

The Problem with Staying for the Kids

The Problem with Staying for the Kids

“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love.”  Jennifer Weiner

 

Joanne called me in tears; her pain was palpable. She’s been in an unhappy marriage for 12 years. There was love there at one time, but that was so long ago, she couldn’t remember what that feeling of love felt like. There was no intimacy; there was no affection and she was slowly, but surely, losing her joy. Their relationship now felt more like roommates on the good days and adversaries on the worse days.

She ...continue reading...

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The Disconnected Marriage

“The key problem I encounter working with wounded, depressed, and unhappy people is a lack of connection…starting from a disconnection from themselves and then with others.” David W. Earle

 

After 23 years together, Pamela finally reached out for help.

In her application to me she shared, He is not there for me emotionally. We don’t hug, we don’t kiss, we don’t touch.  I feel empty and unwanted. I’m not sure how much longer I can take it. I don’t know how to leave and I don’t know how to stay.

But Pamela’s words could be any of the hundreds ...continue reading...

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Love Him, but Not in Love with Him

“When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.” George R. R. Martin

Rachel has love for her husband, but she’s no longer in love with him.

Rachel and her husband have been married for ten years and their relationship feels more like distant roommates than connected lovers who deeply care for one another. She shares with me that he’s a great guy, but that he is emotionally unavailable.

They’ve tried counseling. He refused to go back after the counselor pointed out that he is emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive.

They tried date nights. It felt like work.

...continue reading...
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I Love Him, but I’m Not in Love with Him Copy

“When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.” George R. R. Martin

 

Rachel has love for her husband, but she’s no longer in love with him.

Rachel and her husband have been married for ten years and their relationship feels more like distant roommates than connected lovers who deeply care for one another. She shares with me that he’s a great guy, but that he is emotionally unavailable.

They’ve tried counseling. He refused to go back after the counselor pointed out that he is emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive.

They tried date nights. It felt like ...continue reading...

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Just Because He Lied or Cheated Doesn’t Make Him a Narcissist

“Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless.” Jeffrey Kluger

 

I don’t know if we have had an incredible increase in people with narcissistic tendencies or we simply have access to a lot more information about narcissism than ever before. It’s likely a little of both and that’s probably why the term gets tossed around more than is warranted.

But there’s a big ...continue reading...

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An Abandoned Home. A Disconnected Marriage.

“When we are feeling disconnected from our partner, it isn’t necessarily a sign to leave, but a sign to go deeper.” Jennifer Wardowski

 

Last summer, my husband and I purchased a 60+ year old home from a darling 80+ year old woman. The home had become too much for her to take care of and she decided she would prefer to be in an assisted living community so the house sat empty for about a year. And during that time, when no one was living in the home, it deteriorated faster than when she was there doing her ...continue reading...

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Compare and Despair

“The Reason We Struggle with Insecurity is because We Compare Our behind the Scenes with Everyone Else’s Highlight Reel.”  Steven Furtick

 

We live in an interesting time of sharing snippets of happiness on social media while assuming we’re seeing everyone else’s whole picture.

We live in a time where we shout from the rooftops all that is good in our lives and hide the rest in the shadows.

We don’t talk openly about the challenges and we end up feeling like we’re all alone, the only one feeling this way. That’s a slippery slope to thinking we’re somehow ...continue reading...

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The Pain in Relationships is Circular

We all have pain in relationships. And many times, the arguments that result from that pain are circular.

“I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts there can be no more hurt, only more love.” Mother Theresa

 

Let me see if I can do this story justice….

Renee and Pete love one another; truly. And they both sincerely want to make their relationship work.

Some days she can’t imagine ever spending her life with anyone else. There is great chemistry. There is a comfort between them. She says she’s never loved anyone the way ...continue reading...

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  1. Hi Sharon. I really enjoy your articles. I have a problem. I’ve been with my husband for 30 years. I seemed to have lost all attraction to him. Does this mean I fell out of love with him and should divorce him?
    Christine.

    by Christine on May 25th, 2017 at 6:33 pm
  2. Hi Christine – I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to leave your marriage, but it does mean you need to do somthing different – otherwise you will continue to get the same results.This isn’t your fault; no one taught us how to do this – how to create and sustain lasting, loving, connected relationships. Here’s the link to my online application if you’re interested in exploring making the necessary changes to know whether the marriage can feel good again or if it’s time to leave: http://www.sharonpopetruth.com/truth-clarity-session
    Sending you much love nad light – Sharon

    by Sharon Pope on May 25th, 2017 at 7:54 pm
  3. Very useful and insightful. Good reminder for us to do the hard work inside and break the pattern.

    by Laura Kinoshita on May 26th, 2017 at 1:26 pm
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When Your Ex is Ruining Your Life

“As you think, so shall you be.” Wayne W. Dyer

 

Samantha is a new client whose ex is ruining her life. She bravely shared with me the story of her life with her ex-husband of more than seven years. It was absolutely heartbreaking:

He was verbally abusive, calling her every name in the book, except her given name or anything endearing. One Saturday, she counted 30 names she had been called by him before 9:30 am.

He was emotionally abusive, telling her she needed to lose weight or that her successful career was a fluke. She bought him ...continue reading...

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Your Husband Left. It Didn’t Happen Overnight.

If you husband left, or threatened to leave, this post was written especially for you.

“When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person that walked in. That’s what the storm is all about.” Haruki Murakami

 

Kaye’s husband, James, had just made a pot of coffee and was standing over the breakfast bar drinking it, looking as though he was a million miles away. He was in his business casual attire that Friday morning, ready to head out to the office. Kaye comes into the kitchen, pours herself a cup and as she’s adding ...continue reading...

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