When You Take Responsibility, You Have the Ability to Respond

I believe that we all are enough.

When You Take Responsibility, You Have the Ability to Respond

When You Take Responsibility, You Have the Ability to Respond

“One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful, peaceful and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. As long as you can blame someone else, be angry with someone else, point a finger at someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your life.” Iyanla Vanzant

 

Fran and Steve had been together for 26 years.

Fran had become more controlling after their children were born and their schedules became more and more chaotic.

She would frequently talk over him when he tried to speak.

She would stifle his ideas and ...continue reading...

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The Four Stages of Marriage

“Our marriages are never static; they are always changing – either growing or withering…” Dave & Claudie Arp   Our marriages and most intimate relationships are incredibly complex and constantly changing; as we evolve and change, so do our closest relationships.   There are certainly times when we’re feeling incredibly connected to our partners, knowing their thoughts, finishing their sentences and even feeling their pain or insecurities. And there are those other times, when we’re wondering who this person is that’s sitting across from us and how we got here. Those are the extremes, but certainly we live a ...continue reading...
Posted in: Seeking Clarity in My Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Go? | Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Do You and Your Husband Talk about the Weather?

“Curiosity is, in great and generous minds, the first passion and the last.” Samuel Johnson

 

What do you most love to talk about?

Inspirational ideas? Dreams and goals? Making plans? Spirituality or faith? Telling stories and laughing?

What do you and your husband talk about most often?

The kids and their schedules? The news? The weather?

Houston…we have a problem.

It may sound obvious, but if you find that mostly what you and your husband talk about are things like the news and the weather, it’s no wonder you feel so disconnected.

Maybe you stopped talking to him ...continue reading...

Posted in: Fixing the Disconnect in My Marriage |
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Some Practical Relationship Advice

“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”  Epicurus

The average American spends 2160 days in school, and based upon the average life span, that’s 12% of all the days of our lives spent in school. During that time, we learn about things such as math, science, reading, writing, languages, etc. These are all important topics to help us function in the world and become productive adults.

But at the end of our lives, when we’re lying there close to taking our last breath and reflecting ...continue reading...

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Let’s Talk Love & Bondage…

“Being aware of the bondage is enough to free you from its clutches.” Mata Amritanandamayi

 

Here’s how relationships typically work:

When our partners are behaving in a way that we find pleasing, we feel good…

…or at least not bad.

When our partners are behaving in a way that we find displeasing, we feel rotten…

…or disgusted or angry.

But if our feeling good is dependent upon our partner behaving in a certain way…

We’ll always be feeling vulnerable (since we cannot control his actions, choices or behaviors)

And they’ll be in bondage (feeling ...continue reading...

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Two Years in Therapy and $6500 Later…

“I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” Thomas Jefferson

 

Jillian has been working on her marriage – trying to make it better – for a long time. She and her husband have been together for 28 years. Things between them were fine at first, even nice, but they were so young and that was so long ago. Then they began having children and spent the next two decades just trying to keep their head above water while growing their family business, running the home, and raising three rowdy boys. But now ...continue reading...

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Divorce and Our Emotions

“It can be difficult, if not impossible, for many divorced people to ever rest in a state of pure grief, pure anger, or pure relief when it comes to feelings about one’s ex-spouse. Instead, the emotions often remain mixed-up together in an uncomfortably raw stew of contradictions for many years.” Elizabeth Gilbert

 

In almost every divorce, there is always one person that is asking for the divorce and one that is not. Although no one – not even the person seeking the change – gets out of divorce free from hurt, often times the one that is left ...continue reading...

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Comfortably Unhappy

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality, nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit.” Christopher McCandless

 

Susan reached out to me and shared with me the details of her struggling marriage. She and her husband of 30 years don’t talk much and when they do, she feels disrespected by him.  She says she’s been going through the motions of her ...continue reading...

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How are You Showing Up as a Woman?

“One is not born a woman, one becomes one.” Simone De Beauvoir

My client, who I’ll refer to as Tammy, is getting ready to have that incredibly difficult conversation with her husband. She’s been unhappy in her marriage for a long time; it’s not been kept a secret. But she’s preparing to have the conversation where she takes that next big step and shares the decision she’s made to separate with him.

When we’re in the midst of a difficult situation:

Hard conversations we’ve been avoiding for far too long… Sharing our feelings without knowing how it will be ...continue reading...
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Given What’s Happening, Should Marriage Still Legally be Allowed?

Listen to this provocative quote regarding marriage from anthropologist Lionel Tiger:

“It is astonishing, that under the circumstance, marriage is still legally allowed. If nearly half of anything else ended so disastrously, the government would surely ban it immediately. If half the tacos served in restaurants caused dysentery, if half the people learning karate broke their palms, if only six percent of people who went on roller coaster rides damaged their middle ears, the public would be clamoring for action. Yet the most intimate of disasters… happens over and over again.”

While it’s true that nearly half of all ...continue reading...

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