His Affair. Her Heartbreak. Rinse and Repeat.

“No woman can love a cheater and not pay the price for it.” Rose Wynters

 

It didn’t happen just once. It wasn’t a lapse in judgement or a one-night stand.

It wasn’t just one woman. There were many throughout their 24 years together.

It wasn’t just one lie. It was lies, upon lies, upon lies.

He would have an affair. She would find out about it and be heartbroken.

He would break it off, apologize and promise it would never happen again. She would forgive him, hope for the best and look the other way.

Rinse. Repeat.

So, why was this time different? Why couldn’t she continue to forgive and forget as she had always done? Why was this lie, this latest indiscretion, this affair hurting so much worse than any of the others?

This time was different because she was different.

Years ago, Marissa had three children she was raising. Most days, it was all she could do to simply keep her head above water. She didn’t have the emotional capacity then to deal with her husband’s indiscretions. So, looking away served her and she told herself, it served her children as well.

But now, the kids were grown. They were off in college or working, creating their own lives. Marissa didn’t have as many distractions or responsibilities and she was able to begin focusing on herself for the first time in a long time. They had built their dream home together. She had begun working out again and taking better care of herself. She was feeling hopeful that all that pain from the past was behind them.

This time hurts more because it feels like there’s so much more to lose.

This time hurts more because she feels like a fool.

This time hurts more because – even after all that – she still loves him.

Because let’s be honest: Marissa’s decision would be easy if she didn’t still love her husband. She has plenty of good, solid reasons to leave. No one would blame her or judge her.

Can she forgive him? Should she forgive him?

Will the marriage survive? Will he ever change?

Those are the questions spinning around in Marissa’s head right now……(and why she found her way to me).

The questions I am thinking about are:

What did she have to believe about herself in order to endure such heartbreak repeatedly?

Did she know on some level? Had her intuition been whispering to her all along?

What are the fears that have kept her stuck in perpetual pain?

Marissa and I will answer all of those questions through our work together. I have had clients that have been able to move forward together after infidelity and not surprisingly, I’ve had others that cannot. The only answer Marissa cares about right now is hers. If you’re in a similar situation in your own marriage, then you need your answers for your heart and your life.

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